051- Letters to My Bestfriend [Post 049 Continued.]

Dear Emily,
I sit here by the computer with no light surrounding me except the light from my screen. I sat here reading and re-reading the letter I wrote to you a year ago on this very day. Yes, it has been 1 year and six days since you left. And quite a year it has been.

After my endless attempts at sabotaging my whole life by not going to school and after I went deaf and dumb, my family finally forced me enough to get a grip. To be honest, it wasn't even them. It was the thought that you would be crushed if you knew I had become that person. The person who stops living after one bump along the way. I didn't want to be that person.

I pulled myself together, I started going to school. I studied hard, I pulled up my grades and I even started eating dinner with everyone Mom and Dad. Mom keeps telling me I should make new friends, and so I started hanging out with our old gang. But it still isn't the same without you. Jenny and Martha keeps treating me as though I am a charity case. And that pisses the hell out of me. But I cant even say anything to get out of their endless pity parties.

And here I am today after a year, still standing straight. But I wonder Em, I wonder if I am REALLY living. It feels like ever since you died, I died WITH you. I feel like a lifeless being walking around doing what everyone wants me to do. Smiling and faking every day of my life. And I can't help but wonder what you would say, if you had been here.

I still miss you everyday and I still feel stuck. The only difference is that I can fake it now. I can fake the hell out of it.

Love,
Kate.

048- An attempt for a Story.

Hey guys! So I am planning on writing a series of letters in form of a story. So the basic outline of the story is that these said letters are from a girl to her deceased best friend at different points of her life. Now, I am gonna go ahead and warn you, I have a tendency of not finishing stories that I start. :/ So I am gonna just go ahead and say I am sorry in case that does happen. But I will try my very best to finish this time. :) Hope you all like it. And please leave as many comments as you want. Remember the comments are what keeps me going. ;)

So here goes...
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Dear Emily,
Today is six days after you left me. Six incredibly messed up days after having cried my eyes out in front of a thousand people. Six sleepless nights trying to figure out a way to reach out to you, to communicate and to pour my heart out to you like I did so many times before. 'Pour my heart out', it sounds cliche', I know Em. But come to think of it now, that was what we always did.

Tell me something, Em? Is it possible to reach out to the dead? Is it possible that these words I am writing will float to you wherever you are at this moment? Heaven or no heaven, could my feelings be felt by you even now, just like you always did before? Well, I honestly thought that if I had died before you did, I would spend my after life haunting you, following you around and scaring you to death. [Occasionally, as it DOES sound hilarious.] The least I can expect is that you are standing behind this very moment reading the sort of crap that I always happen to write.

I know what you'll be thinking if you were here right now. You would think that I am crazy. Well, 'Crazy but incredibly awesome' as you always preferred to say. I know that this is a tad bit crazy. [Well, a LOT crazier than I'd dare to admit to myself.] But Em, I feel lost without you. I can't shake off the image of you in a hospital bed while you took your very last breath. It just sucks like hell. I am just a kid, I am 15. How can I just learn to live without the one person who used to be like an extended part of me? How can I live without my best friend? How can I move on without you, Em?

And how is it fair for God to take you away. You were just 15 yourself. You had your whole life ahead of you. We were going to do so many things together. Hell, we even said that when we got married and had kids, we would even make our kids marry each other. We had so many dreams. You had so many dreams. How is it fair?

I know we had a lot of good memories together before you were diagnosed with Cancer. So many epic moments with each other doing things that were both silly and absolutely crazy. And even after the big C hung over our heads, never once did you complain. Never once did you let us know how crushed and sad you must've been. You were always that way, never wanting to burden anyone with your sadness. Instead you were always the one who shared your happiness around. Spreading the smile that always accompanied you everywhere. I have had 8 years of good memories with you and yet all I remember now is your ashen face and chapped lips. Cracking with every attempt and making everyone laugh.

I don't know what to do, Em. I haven't gone to school in these 6 days, and honestly I don't suppose I can. I got through school everyday only because I had you standing beside me. And now I am just stuck. I need you here, Em. I need you back. And it breaks my heart that there's NO WAY that, that is possible.

Your best friend,
Kate.

046- The things that he will never say.

[Picture borrowed from http://www.flickr.com/photos/haani/4041663338/]

Dear Son,

First of all I should start by saying that I am sorry. I know it's a long due apology, but son, know that I mean every single word I am writing. In the years that have passed, I have failed to give you a good home that you needed. I have failed to support you financially AND emotionally. I have failed to encourage you to pursue your dreams. I have failed to be there when you needed wise words. I have failed to set the example of how a good man should be. But most of all, I am sorry coz I have failed to become a father to you.

All my life I have wasted years and years disappointing and letting down all of my family. I have wasted years being childish and immature. I have wasted years in my naivete. I have wasted years being completely useless and absent from your life where I needed to be. And for that I sit here grieving my mistakes.

Son, I see you slipping through the light. I see you falling into dark. And honestly, I feel like I am to blame. And so today, I want to help. I want to say those long due wise words, that I am sure you've longed for all your life.

Son, the path you're taking will only lead you to a life of disappointment. It will only make you miserable and alone like I am today. I know things get hard every now and then. And the good times seems to be like precious jems. Like those precious jems, good times are hard to find in the dirty mud that our lives has become. But son hold on, don't give up hope. Don't make the mistakes that I have done. Don't fall into that hole knowing that there's no way back. Turn to God, before it's too late. Kneel before him and ask for forgiveness. Lord knows how I regret not having knelt in prayer even once all my life. And for that today I cry in Sajdha everyday, begging for forgiveness. You've seen my life pass before your eyes. Don't let yourself become the failure that I am.

I have little time to change my ways. I have little time to make up for my mistakes. My life changing turns has long passed me by. And I am afraid its too late for me to go back. But son, you have the chance to change. You still have the chance to undo the mistakes that have been done. To become the man that you and I both know that you can be. So son, don't let yourself be the person that you've hated all your life.

Its not too late to change your life and to ask Allah for forgiveness. Coz He is most Merciful and Forgiving.  I want to end my letter with a Dua. A Dua that's coming from a man with a lifetime of regrets and a man desperate to do whatever he can to help his son as he's counting his last days upon this earth. May Allah show you the right path before its too late. And may Allah guide you to a life of success and honor. Ameen.

Love,
Daddy.