Dear Batman,
Remember that first hello on the screen of Your computer? Remember that first smile I gave when I saw You walk through my open door? Remember that first kiss? Remember at all?
Well, I do. I remember how I felt happy to see a single word flash across my computer screen. I remember the way You adjusted Your shades on Your forehead attractively while you stared at me with a smile on Your face. I remember the look of surprise on Your face when I kissed you for the first time. I remember all those promises. I remember You telling me that You would never let me down. And You telling me that You will never let my family down. I remember all the hopes and expectations of starting a life together. I remember You telling me that You love me and care about it, well, if You did, this day would have never come. I remember all the dreams of a better tomorrow. WITH EACH OTHER.
I wonder how You can just chose to walk out of my life, when all I have ever done is love You with all my heart and stand beside You every step of the way. How can You just forget all that we have been through. All Your promises. All the hopes and dreams. I wonder how You can even think of just pretending to be 'friends' when *I* honestly can't let go of what I feel for You. I can't forget that You are the only person that I've completely opened up to. You're the only person that I let in. You're the only person that I have loved this way. How can I forget all the dreams that You showed me? How can I just move past all of it and just be your 'friend'? I am sorry, but I can't do that.
We could've had a life together. You could have been a better person. I could've made You happy. And yet it didn't even take a second for You to throw it all away. I can say with confidence that You will NEVER find someone who will love You like I did. And I guarantee You that You cannot find anyone that can accept everything about You like the way I did.
I was stupid to have trusted You. I was stupid to believe that You could change. I was stupid to open myself up to You. I should've never let You in. I feel so angry at myself to think that I have wasted my time on something that could've never gone my way. I thought that things would be different. That we could somehow work things out. But I was really wrong. All the times that I lectured You, all the conversations we had, it has all gone to waste. I feel so mad that I let You get close to me. I think this has been one of the stupidest mistakes I have ever made.
And so, this my last letter to You. The last attempt at telling You how I feel. I will make sure that from this day forward, I don't need You in my life. I will make sure that I never let anyone so close to me as You were. I'll make sure that no one can hurt me the way You did. I am letting You go, along with all the hopes and dreams that You shattered with Your own bare hands.
From this day forward, You don't exist to me. You not anything in my eyes anymore. I don't love You and nor do I hate You. I feel NOTHING for You now. And this is my last Goodbye.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
035- Lets find Peace.
Dear Batman,
We wake up every morning cursing the world coz we're forced to wake up early and get to work. We drag our feet along the floor and reluctantly go about our Fajr prayers and getting ready for work while we constantly curse everything around us in our mind. In Your case, You miss the mornings altogether. [Well, most of the time. =P] We tend to ignore the beautiful morning light streaming through our open doors, brightening the darkness of the fading night. We tend to ignore the cold comfortable morning air hugging every inch of our bodies. We ignore the peaceful sound of silence, where the world has been blanketed in a cloth of serenity. Why is it, that we curse this very peaceful time of the day?
I think we focus too much on what's bad. Honey, why are we so hung up on thinking about what we never had, or had and lost, or the things that are just plainly unfortunate? Lets think about about whats good tonight, shall we?
We get to see the morning sun rising up in the baby blue sky and the clouds surround her by each side. We get to see the flying birds making its way up in the skies. We get to feel the morning breeze caressing our skin and waking our senses. We get to feel the warm sunlight touch our face with its gentle grace. We get to hear the birds singing their serenades filling our minds with peace and calm.
And after a long day of work, we get to come home along the streets while we take in the beauty of another gorgeous dusk. Colors of red and orange and purple replacing the yellow sunlight while the mighty sun sinks down low into the water. We get to see the million lights that fills the night sky every night. We get to see a shining moon up in the sky. We get to feel the cool night breeze calming our senses and taking our tiredness away.
Imagine, a man without his sight. Imagine what he would give to be able to see the things that You and I can. Imagine a man without his sense of hearing. Imagine what he would do to be able to hear those birds singing and the sounds of breeze in his hair. Imagine a man without his legs, what he would do to be able to get up and work and stand up on his own. Imagine a man, without a home. What he would give to be able to have a roof over his head. Imagine a life where You starve everyday, where You beg for a drop of water. Imagine someone without the ability to feel or touch. Imagine the life of emptiness.
Yes, I know our life's not perfect. We have a roof over our heads, but its not how it should've been. But we at least HAVE a roof. HAVE a home. There's so many things that we would change if we could. But sometimes, life is just about accepting the bad and focusing on the good. Like AT LEAST we have our 5 senses. With God's grace we're in good health. Masha Allah.
Honey, don't waste the life that God has gifted us with. The hardships that we have to go through, is just another test among many that we have to face. You and I, we have been through a lot. And we have to accept that life is not perfect. We're the ones who make it perfect. We're the ones who can make a change. I can't change Your life and You can't change mine. But we can change our own lives. Hun, work hard, strive to make that change. Use the things that God ha gsifted You with. Use Your legs and stand up on Your own. Coz hun, remember a person without his legs would kill to have that chance to BE able to stand. And You ARE gifted with it. Don't let it go to waste.
Don't focus on the bad. Always think about the things that are good. And I know, that there will be times when You feel sad, and You feel like giving up. But don't stop. Don't lose Your faith. Just change the way You see everything and I promise, eventually you'll find Your peace.
And remember that You're gifted with something above everything else. That is to love someone and have that person love You in return. I know I am not there with You now, but this is a gift we have been blessed with. We may not be together, but You at least know that there is someone somewhere who keeps You in her prayers and misses You everyday. And loves You with all her heart.
So strive, hun. Push Yourself and Insha Allah oneday You WILL be the man that I know You can be. The man that YOU want to be.
Love always,
<3
Friday, June 24, 2011
034- Stolen Innocence.
Dear Daddy,
Yesterday was my sixth birthday. Mommy and you threw me a very cool party. I had lots of fun with all my friends from school. My friend Michelle says that I am very lucky, coz my Daddy and Mommy loves me very much.
I loved all my presents. Especially this notebook that Mommy gave. I am writing this letter to you on its first page. I liked all the presents that everyone gave, except the one you gave. You said that the thing you did to me was the present from you to me, and you said that I would like it. But Daddy, I didn't.
Mommy was sleeping when you came to my room, no? It was pretty dark in my room too. And as usual I was pretty scared. You said that Mommy wanted you to put me to sleep last night. But you said that before you started telling my bedtime story, we were going to play a game. You said the game was your present. The game we played was pretty rotten. Daddy, what you did hurt me. I still have pain in my pee pee.
Daddy, can I tell Mommy about the pain? I suppose I can't since you told me my present was our little secret. I don't understand Daddy. Why can't Mommy know? I tell her everything, no? Why can't anyone else know? You said that we were going to play the same game again soon. But Daddy please, I dont want to play that game again.
I love you Daddy. Just don't play that game with me again.
Note: This post is my contribution to spreading awareness on a very delicate issue that is very common in almost every household in Maldives. In my opinion such people who abuse children should be punished with the severity that they deserve. And my advice to every parent is that watch your children closely. If YOU don't notice a change in your children then WHO will?
STOP CHILD ABUSE, PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.
Yesterday was my sixth birthday. Mommy and you threw me a very cool party. I had lots of fun with all my friends from school. My friend Michelle says that I am very lucky, coz my Daddy and Mommy loves me very much.
I loved all my presents. Especially this notebook that Mommy gave. I am writing this letter to you on its first page. I liked all the presents that everyone gave, except the one you gave. You said that the thing you did to me was the present from you to me, and you said that I would like it. But Daddy, I didn't.
Mommy was sleeping when you came to my room, no? It was pretty dark in my room too. And as usual I was pretty scared. You said that Mommy wanted you to put me to sleep last night. But you said that before you started telling my bedtime story, we were going to play a game. You said the game was your present. The game we played was pretty rotten. Daddy, what you did hurt me. I still have pain in my pee pee.
Daddy, can I tell Mommy about the pain? I suppose I can't since you told me my present was our little secret. I don't understand Daddy. Why can't Mommy know? I tell her everything, no? Why can't anyone else know? You said that we were going to play the same game again soon. But Daddy please, I dont want to play that game again.
I love you Daddy. Just don't play that game with me again.
Note: This post is my contribution to spreading awareness on a very delicate issue that is very common in almost every household in Maldives. In my opinion such people who abuse children should be punished with the severity that they deserve. And my advice to every parent is that watch your children closely. If YOU don't notice a change in your children then WHO will?
STOP CHILD ABUSE, PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
033- Song-a-letter! [A letter with bits and pieces of lyrics]
Note: If you happen to be one of those people who doesn't like lovey dovey, emo-ish, hopeless romantic type letters/posts please skip this one. :)
Dear The guy I miss,
To be completely honest, it scares me to imagine what life would be without you. Although there are so many things against us, I've decided that I'm not giving you up, no... We'll find a way to be together. However long it takes, wherever. If it means having you for only a moment, a moment just might be enough. I'm not giving you up! Coz I am broken when I am lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away. Is it all wasted time? Can you look at yourself when you think of what you left behind? Can you feel me inside your heart as its bleeding? Why can't you believe you can be loved? I see your true colors shining through, I see your true colors and thats why I love you!
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and I think of you. Turning in circles, confusion is nothing new. Flashbacks to warm nights almost left behind. I’m here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you. What hurts the most, was being so close. Having so much to say, and watching you walk away. I am here alone, don't wanna leave. My heart wont move, its incomplete. Wish there was a way to make you understand. Maybe I am addicted, I am out of control, but you're the drug that keeps me from dying. No one, no one, no one can get it the way of what I am feeling. No one can get in the way of what I feel for you! I've been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks. And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time.
And when you fall apart am I the reason for your endless sorrow? There's so much to be said. And with a broken heart your walls can only go down but so low. Can you hear me when I call your name? When the evening shadows and the stars appear. And there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong.
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand. If I am not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Love always,
The girl who hopes you miss her.
Dear The guy I miss,
To be completely honest, it scares me to imagine what life would be without you. Although there are so many things against us, I've decided that I'm not giving you up, no... We'll find a way to be together. However long it takes, wherever. If it means having you for only a moment, a moment just might be enough. I'm not giving you up! Coz I am broken when I am lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away. Is it all wasted time? Can you look at yourself when you think of what you left behind? Can you feel me inside your heart as its bleeding? Why can't you believe you can be loved? I see your true colors shining through, I see your true colors and thats why I love you!
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and I think of you. Turning in circles, confusion is nothing new. Flashbacks to warm nights almost left behind. I’m here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time. What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way. What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you. What hurts the most, was being so close. Having so much to say, and watching you walk away. I am here alone, don't wanna leave. My heart wont move, its incomplete. Wish there was a way to make you understand. Maybe I am addicted, I am out of control, but you're the drug that keeps me from dying. No one, no one, no one can get it the way of what I am feeling. No one can get in the way of what I feel for you! I've been locked inside your heart shaped box for weeks. And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time.
And when you fall apart am I the reason for your endless sorrow? There's so much to be said. And with a broken heart your walls can only go down but so low. Can you hear me when I call your name? When the evening shadows and the stars appear. And there is no one there to dry your tears. I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love. I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong.
I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand. If I am not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
Love always,
The girl who hopes you miss her.
Monday, June 20, 2011
032- Screw you!
You know what, I am sick and tired of putting up with Your never ending shit. Screw you!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
031- Living in a Bubble.
I feel like all my life I have been living in a bubble. Like there is a wall between me and the rest of the world. A wall where I can see the other side clearly, but all THEY see is what I show them. People label me and judge me. They assume things about me. And I let them. ANYTHING is better than the ugly truth. And what IS the ugly truth, you ask? That's a secret I'll never tell. :P
Once someone told me that, all his life he has been living in a box. [I even blogged about it. :P] And so have I. I have been so used to being in that box. Well actually its more like in my box are my emotions. *I* am probably not in there. Coz as far as the world can see, I am smiling wide in front of them. Very real. The box contains all those thoughts and all those emotions that I've blocked out. The emotions that I've tossed aside.
Well, anyway, right now.. Things have kinda taken a turn from where I have no idea to return back to the norm. I need a certain someone right now. A certain someone that I know would get what I am going through. But that person seems to have that person's own problems. That person needs time and space. And so I am trying to give it to that person. But I can't help reaching out every once in a while, coz I am in a rut too. But I don't wanna ask for that person's help. Yes, I NEED that person's help. But I WONT ask for it. I don't want to seem clingy and needy.
I am confused, I am angry, I am sad. I feel like I am having a manic episode every single day. I am feeling so many things at once. I feel like I have a weigh on my shoulders that I cannot lift. But do know this, that I am trying my best. I WONT fall down. I won't give up that easily. But it wouldn't hurt if that person gave me a hand. If only that person would get that I really need that person right now. If only we could set OUR problems aside and deal with YOUR problems and MINE.
Once someone told me that, all his life he has been living in a box. [I even blogged about it. :P] And so have I. I have been so used to being in that box. Well actually its more like in my box are my emotions. *I* am probably not in there. Coz as far as the world can see, I am smiling wide in front of them. Very real. The box contains all those thoughts and all those emotions that I've blocked out. The emotions that I've tossed aside.
Well, anyway, right now.. Things have kinda taken a turn from where I have no idea to return back to the norm. I need a certain someone right now. A certain someone that I know would get what I am going through. But that person seems to have that person's own problems. That person needs time and space. And so I am trying to give it to that person. But I can't help reaching out every once in a while, coz I am in a rut too. But I don't wanna ask for that person's help. Yes, I NEED that person's help. But I WONT ask for it. I don't want to seem clingy and needy.
I am confused, I am angry, I am sad. I feel like I am having a manic episode every single day. I am feeling so many things at once. I feel like I have a weigh on my shoulders that I cannot lift. But do know this, that I am trying my best. I WONT fall down. I won't give up that easily. But it wouldn't hurt if that person gave me a hand. If only that person would get that I really need that person right now. If only we could set OUR problems aside and deal with YOUR problems and MINE.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
030- The things I couldn't say.
I still remember the good times we had. The times you made me laugh and the times you made me smile. The time we stood watching the rain in a stinky old garage. The time you came to see me at midnight on my birthday, so that you'd be the first one to wish me. And remember that time, I chased after you with my heeled shoe? hehehe. I also remember the times you teased me, and yet I knew you wouldn't change a thing about me.
I wanna be clear that these things I remember, I don't remember them because I am still in love with you. I do love you, I always will in my own way. But I am not in love with you now. The point is we had our fair share of good times. And you WERE there for me when it really counts. You helped me stand when I had no way of getting up. And I will always be grateful for that.
I know you're going through a lot now. I know its really hard, but you will never admit that to anyone. You've always been that way. I know you're too proud to ask for help. And maybe you don't want me to be there for you. And being there for you will create so many problems for me, and I still don't care. I feel like I should somehow be there, even if you don't want me to. I want you to know you're not alone. I want you to know its okay for you to need someone. Its okay to ask for help. And I am here. I always will be. As a friend, as someone who cares about you.
Just let me help, please let me be there. Coz the thought of losing you, even if you were never really in my life for real, it scares me. It scares more than you can ever imagine...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
029- End?
So is this it for us? Is this the end?
Now how can my heart ever mend?
So is this it, is this goodbye?
Now how can I dry the tears in my eyes?
What happened to all your promises?
What do I do, when its you my heart misses?
What happened to all the love that you had?
What do I do, when there's nothing left to be said?
Don't you miss me now, is that why you're gone?
How can you feel alright, when you've left me all alone?
Don't you miss those times, is that why you left?
Was it not enough, was my love somehow less?
Now how can my heart ever mend?
So is this it, is this goodbye?
Now how can I dry the tears in my eyes?
What happened to all your promises?
What do I do, when its you my heart misses?
What happened to all the love that you had?
What do I do, when there's nothing left to be said?
Don't you miss me now, is that why you're gone?
How can you feel alright, when you've left me all alone?
Don't you miss those times, is that why you left?
Was it not enough, was my love somehow less?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
028- Time [A piece of a Story]
I am walking in an open field. You're walking right here beside me. The grass sways tall around our bodies, the sky shining a baby blue. You hold my hand, oh so tight. I smile up at you as we stop. Your hands encircle my tingling frame, you stare right into my hurting soul. You see the pain I hide behind my pretend smile. You're the one who sees it all.
You lower your face and kiss my cheek, you then whisper a single word. The word that breaks my heart so much, and yet I smile so you wont see. A word that tears our lives apart, and kills me just to hear. You know how much this is hurting me, coz you're the one who sees it all. I question, why you're walking away. Why, when you know everything could burn and fall in this very second. Why, you take those steps away, when you clearly know I can't exist with that one word.
I'll give you what you need now. I'll smile and laugh while you break me. But all I know when this is over, you wont get me back. The me that I am to you now. You'll lose me somewhere along the process. I'll still be here, a ghost of me. The one that can't feel at all.
Why did it break me when you whispered, "Time"
You lower your face and kiss my cheek, you then whisper a single word. The word that breaks my heart so much, and yet I smile so you wont see. A word that tears our lives apart, and kills me just to hear. You know how much this is hurting me, coz you're the one who sees it all. I question, why you're walking away. Why, when you know everything could burn and fall in this very second. Why, you take those steps away, when you clearly know I can't exist with that one word.
I'll give you what you need now. I'll smile and laugh while you break me. But all I know when this is over, you wont get me back. The me that I am to you now. You'll lose me somewhere along the process. I'll still be here, a ghost of me. The one that can't feel at all.
Why did it break me when you whispered, "Time"
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
027- Learning to Survive.
But all I see is this empty room.
I want to hear Your soothing voice,
But all I see is a phone that never rings.
I want to feel Your face close to mine,
But all I see is these thousand miles.
I want to hold Your hand in mine,
But when I reach out, its just empty space.
I want You to notice that I find this hard,
I want You realize I could give up now.
I am losing my hope with every passing second,
I want You to know I could give up now.
Would You hate me if I walk away,
Would You hate me if I say goodbye.
Coz darling, this distance is killing me,
I am starting lose the patience I had.
I've started to question your love for me,
Coz darling, You're never around.
I spend all day by the phone,
All I wanted was just one call.
I spend every second by the door,
All I wanted was to see You walk through.
Its all gone now, my dreams, my wishes,
I've learnt to survive alone in my mind.
I've learnt to live every passing day,
Without a call, without you here...
Monday, June 13, 2011
026- Milestones of Autism
Today, I am going to dedicate this post in sending a message to everyone that comes by this blog that I hope would increase awareness on Autism. [And other special needs.]
As I have mentioned before, I work at an NGO that conducts therapy classes for children with Autism. And I want to highlight the main point of this post which is to make everyone understand what Autism is and how it can be treated. Also, before I start, I wanna say that I am not a certified professional in this feild, and everything in this post are based on my experience with the children with Autism I have worked with and what I have learnt from my trainers and of course the Internet. [What would we be without the glorious internet, right? ]
Autism in definition by the Autism Association of America is, "Autism is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life and is the result of a neurological disorder that affects the normal functioning of the brain, impacting development in the areas of social interaction and communication skills. Both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities.
Autism is one of five disorders that falls under the umbrella of Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD), a category of neurological disorders characterized by “severe and pervasive impairment in several areas of development."
In my experience, a child with Autism is just like any other child. As it is mentioned in the above definition, Autism is a neurological disorder and hence cannot be seen in appearance. A child with Autism is just as adorable and worthy of love and care as any other kid. Or a little MORE care than any other child.
There limitations in social and communication [which is the main difficulties] can be treated with therapies that have been used in many many countries of the world. Unfortunately, the people that are trained in this field are very less in our Maldives. And also the awareness among the people is rather minimal too.
There are number of therapies that are used to treat Autism. The one that I am currently learning and applying is called Applied Behavior Analysis. Applied Behavior Analysis [ABA] is defined by Wiki as the science of applying experimentally derived principles of behaviorism to modify behavior. ABA has been proven to be the most effective method of therapy for children with Autism.
The main idea of ABA is that a child's behavior could be shaped and molded by influencing the response regarding the behavior. It is a mixture of psychological and educational techniques that are woven together to suit the needs of every individual child. ABA involves the use of behavioral methods to analyze behavior, teach functional and social skills and evaluate progress.
Every child is first observed and programmes are made to overcome his difficulties in social, functional and communicating skills. These programmes are divided into small steps that will help the child to cross his obstacles. These programmes are filed separately for every child and the data is taken so that the progress can be seen on paper. It is a systematic and organized method of therapy. The basic point of ABA therapy is to improve language skills and socialization while eliminating or suppressing other behaviors that interfere with his/her learning.
The ABA therapy consists of several things of which I am going to highlight a couple.
1. Discrete Trial Training. [DTT]
DTT is based on the principles of ABA that when children affected with Autism are rewarded for a behavior, they are likely to repeat that behavior.
For example: Almost all children with Autism has difficulty in maintaining eye contact while another person is trying to have a conversation with them. The therapist applies techniques such as keeping an object that he want in front of the therapist's eye and call the child, he will look. And when the child does so, the therapist will verbally praise the child with 'Good looking.' or 'Aunty is happy because [name] looked.' and then give him the reinforcer, ie. the object that he wants.
The point of DTT is to encourage the child to maintain a certain behavior like eye contact. This technique teaches the child that his good behavior will be rewarded and eventually he learns the importance of the task that he has to handle. And when he starts showing these basic social behaviors without prompt, the therapist will slowly fade the reinforcing and the rewards.
Picture Exchange Communication System. [PECS]
Pecs is a form of alternative communication method where the child used picture to communicate instead of words. It was designed especially for children with autism who has delays in speech development.
PECS is used to encourage the child to communicate rather than replace verbal speech altogether. Many people mistake this method to be something that discourages the child from talking like a normal person. But in my eyes this is not so. [As many people would agree.] Once the child is taught how to use the cards to communicate, he starts to understand the importance of communication. And eventually, start on verbal speech.
PECS consists of several phases starting from teaching the child to recognize the purpose of each card to teaching the child to express his thoughts with the cards.
In ABA therapy every step is documented in a file where child's everyday progress can be seen on paper. This helps the therapist as well as the parents get motivated to do more for the child.
Fact: The Lovaas method of ABA has been used since the early 1980's to help improve behaviors in children with ASD.
Autism can be treated and the child with Autism can learn to be independent with the proper therapy and care. For this, every single person that the child meets along the way has to be informed and made aware of the importance in understanding them. And to all those parents, going through this, I would like to say that where there is a will, there is a way. Do not lose your faith. From the parents to the teachers in schools has to become aware of this delicate problem.
Also it is a pleasure and privilege working with the kids at our association. My prayer is that our center grows with every passing day. And that Allah blesses all those kids that is nothing but a little test of patience on our side. And our duty is to pass this test of patience.
This is my piece in helping the cause of Autism. I hope I conveyed my message. :)
Anyone who wants to volunteer at our center or anyone who wants to get admission for our classes please contact us at:-
Maldives Autism Association
Ma. Eureka [ground floor]
Vaidheri Hingun
Tel: 3329033
As I have mentioned before, I work at an NGO that conducts therapy classes for children with Autism. And I want to highlight the main point of this post which is to make everyone understand what Autism is and how it can be treated. Also, before I start, I wanna say that I am not a certified professional in this feild, and everything in this post are based on my experience with the children with Autism I have worked with and what I have learnt from my trainers and of course the Internet. [What would we be without the glorious internet, right? ]
Autism in definition by the Autism Association of America is, "Autism is a complex developmental disability that typically appears during the first three years of life and is the result of a neurological disorder that affects the normal functioning of the brain, impacting development in the areas of social interaction and communication skills. Both children and adults with autism typically show difficulties in verbal and non-verbal communication, social interactions, and leisure or play activities.
Autism is one of five disorders that falls under the umbrella of Pervasive Developmental Disorders (PDD), a category of neurological disorders characterized by “severe and pervasive impairment in several areas of development."
In my experience, a child with Autism is just like any other child. As it is mentioned in the above definition, Autism is a neurological disorder and hence cannot be seen in appearance. A child with Autism is just as adorable and worthy of love and care as any other kid. Or a little MORE care than any other child.
There limitations in social and communication [which is the main difficulties] can be treated with therapies that have been used in many many countries of the world. Unfortunately, the people that are trained in this field are very less in our Maldives. And also the awareness among the people is rather minimal too.
There are number of therapies that are used to treat Autism. The one that I am currently learning and applying is called Applied Behavior Analysis. Applied Behavior Analysis [ABA] is defined by Wiki as the science of applying experimentally derived principles of behaviorism to modify behavior. ABA has been proven to be the most effective method of therapy for children with Autism.
The main idea of ABA is that a child's behavior could be shaped and molded by influencing the response regarding the behavior. It is a mixture of psychological and educational techniques that are woven together to suit the needs of every individual child. ABA involves the use of behavioral methods to analyze behavior, teach functional and social skills and evaluate progress.
Every child is first observed and programmes are made to overcome his difficulties in social, functional and communicating skills. These programmes are divided into small steps that will help the child to cross his obstacles. These programmes are filed separately for every child and the data is taken so that the progress can be seen on paper. It is a systematic and organized method of therapy. The basic point of ABA therapy is to improve language skills and socialization while eliminating or suppressing other behaviors that interfere with his/her learning.
The ABA therapy consists of several things of which I am going to highlight a couple.
1. Discrete Trial Training. [DTT]
DTT is based on the principles of ABA that when children affected with Autism are rewarded for a behavior, they are likely to repeat that behavior.
For example: Almost all children with Autism has difficulty in maintaining eye contact while another person is trying to have a conversation with them. The therapist applies techniques such as keeping an object that he want in front of the therapist's eye and call the child, he will look. And when the child does so, the therapist will verbally praise the child with 'Good looking.' or 'Aunty is happy because [name] looked.' and then give him the reinforcer, ie. the object that he wants.
The point of DTT is to encourage the child to maintain a certain behavior like eye contact. This technique teaches the child that his good behavior will be rewarded and eventually he learns the importance of the task that he has to handle. And when he starts showing these basic social behaviors without prompt, the therapist will slowly fade the reinforcing and the rewards.
Picture Exchange Communication System. [PECS]
Pecs is a form of alternative communication method where the child used picture to communicate instead of words. It was designed especially for children with autism who has delays in speech development.
PECS is used to encourage the child to communicate rather than replace verbal speech altogether. Many people mistake this method to be something that discourages the child from talking like a normal person. But in my eyes this is not so. [As many people would agree.] Once the child is taught how to use the cards to communicate, he starts to understand the importance of communication. And eventually, start on verbal speech.
PECS consists of several phases starting from teaching the child to recognize the purpose of each card to teaching the child to express his thoughts with the cards.
In ABA therapy every step is documented in a file where child's everyday progress can be seen on paper. This helps the therapist as well as the parents get motivated to do more for the child.
Fact: The Lovaas method of ABA has been used since the early 1980's to help improve behaviors in children with ASD.
Autism can be treated and the child with Autism can learn to be independent with the proper therapy and care. For this, every single person that the child meets along the way has to be informed and made aware of the importance in understanding them. And to all those parents, going through this, I would like to say that where there is a will, there is a way. Do not lose your faith. From the parents to the teachers in schools has to become aware of this delicate problem.
Also it is a pleasure and privilege working with the kids at our association. My prayer is that our center grows with every passing day. And that Allah blesses all those kids that is nothing but a little test of patience on our side. And our duty is to pass this test of patience.
This is my piece in helping the cause of Autism. I hope I conveyed my message. :)
Anyone who wants to volunteer at our center or anyone who wants to get admission for our classes please contact us at:-
Maldives Autism Association
Ma. Eureka [ground floor]
Vaidheri Hingun
Tel: 3329033
Saturday, June 11, 2011
025- Conversing with a Man in a Box.
Him: All my life I have been living in a box. *smiles attractively*
Me: So have I. But I let you open my box, I let you look in. Its not easy for me either, but I did it anyway, didn't I? Why can't you do the same? *frustrated*
Him: The thing is I love my box. I wanna be in my box forever. I wanna hug my box and never let go. *laughs*
Me: You know what? Fine. Stay in your box. Hell, I'll even by you a new lock for it. >.>
Me: So have I. But I let you open my box, I let you look in. Its not easy for me either, but I did it anyway, didn't I? Why can't you do the same? *frustrated*
Him: The thing is I love my box. I wanna be in my box forever. I wanna hug my box and never let go. *laughs*
Me: You know what? Fine. Stay in your box. Hell, I'll even by you a new lock for it. >.>
Friday, June 10, 2011
024- Escape Behaviors
What are escape behaviors you ask? Well, I am an assistant therapist at an NGO where they conduct therapy classes for children with Autism. And recently I have learned that all kids, [Not only Autistic kids.] they have behaviors that they use to escape something they do not want to do. Like for example. I give my student a pencil and instruct him to write. What does he do? He throws the pencil. He's thinking that if he throws the pencil I will send him to pick it up. And since he doesn't want to sit near the table, that is his escape.
I got thinking and came to the conclusion that not only kids but adults also have these escape behaviors. Like for example someone who is going through a phase of depression, sometimes they over sleep. Knowing that the time they are asleep will give them time to ignore the problems that they are trying to escape. Similarly, someone who has more severe depression, they might try suicide. In a way, this is also an escape behavior. The only difference is that, this is a permanent 'escape'. Other people, with problems that seems to be drowning them, they try drugs/alcohol etc. This, in my opinion is also an escape behavior. The person just craves that high to escape their problems that seem to be weighing them down. Whether it be with sleeping tablets or heavy drugs, its all basically forms of escapes.
So what is it that we do to control these escape behaviors. Well, in our class what we do is, even if the said child throws his pencil, we don't allow him to go fetch the pencil. We let him know that no matter how many times he throws the pencil, he wouldn't be allowed to leave the table. And by doing this he learns that unless he does what he has to do, there IS no escape. Slowly we control his behavior, by praising him when he follows our instructions and then rewarding him with something he likes, like a toy or letting him leave the table for a few minutes.
In my opinion this is something we all need to learn. We have to learn that unless we do what we have to do, and unless we man up and face our problems, there IS no escape. We need to realize that even if we get to avoid our problems for a while when we sleep or when we're high, its eventually just gonna catch up to you. So unless you grow a pair and face it, there IS no escape.
Man up and grow a pair! :P
I got thinking and came to the conclusion that not only kids but adults also have these escape behaviors. Like for example someone who is going through a phase of depression, sometimes they over sleep. Knowing that the time they are asleep will give them time to ignore the problems that they are trying to escape. Similarly, someone who has more severe depression, they might try suicide. In a way, this is also an escape behavior. The only difference is that, this is a permanent 'escape'. Other people, with problems that seems to be drowning them, they try drugs/alcohol etc. This, in my opinion is also an escape behavior. The person just craves that high to escape their problems that seem to be weighing them down. Whether it be with sleeping tablets or heavy drugs, its all basically forms of escapes.
So what is it that we do to control these escape behaviors. Well, in our class what we do is, even if the said child throws his pencil, we don't allow him to go fetch the pencil. We let him know that no matter how many times he throws the pencil, he wouldn't be allowed to leave the table. And by doing this he learns that unless he does what he has to do, there IS no escape. Slowly we control his behavior, by praising him when he follows our instructions and then rewarding him with something he likes, like a toy or letting him leave the table for a few minutes.
In my opinion this is something we all need to learn. We have to learn that unless we do what we have to do, and unless we man up and face our problems, there IS no escape. We need to realize that even if we get to avoid our problems for a while when we sleep or when we're high, its eventually just gonna catch up to you. So unless you grow a pair and face it, there IS no escape.
Man up and grow a pair! :P
Thursday, June 9, 2011
023- A conversation in Metaphors.
Me: This is like standing on the beach and wondering about all the what ifs. What if there are sharks in there. What if it bites. What if there are sting rays. What if it stings me. Of course there are sharks, of course there are sting rays.
Batman: Its not easy to find an ocean's depth.
Me: Exactly. And there's not only sharks and sting rays, there's also whales in there.
Batman: And not to forget jelly fishes.
Me: *confused for a while* Well the point is, I jumped. I am IN the water. And I don't even know how to swim. I am not standing on the beach thinking of the sharks and the sting rays.. and the jelly fishes?
Batman: Are you saying I am afraid to face the dangers? And you think I am gonna watch you drown? Hey, I happen to like facing sharks. But there's only about two sharks. Its mostly jelly fishes.
Me: *I stare at him confused.*
Batman: Do you know anything about jelly fishes? The way it hunts and preys? Well, it's a beautiful thing to the sight. It sparkles and shows off its beauty, trying to lure its prey. It makes you want to touch it. But when you touch it, you get burned.
Me: *finally gets it.* Well, you can jump since you already KNOW that you're gonna get burned. You know that it's going to charm you and seduce you. And since you already know that, you can outwit them, right?
Batman: The thing is I like the jelly fishes. I WANT to touch the jelly fishes.
Me: Well you KNOW you're gonna get burned. So you HAVE TO resist it no matter how much it appeals to you.
Batman: Well that's true.
Me: So are you gonna jump or are you gonna just stand there on the beach and wonder about all the sharks and the whales and the jelly fishes?
Batman: Its not easy to find an ocean's depth.
Me: Exactly. And there's not only sharks and sting rays, there's also whales in there.
Batman: And not to forget jelly fishes.
Me: *confused for a while* Well the point is, I jumped. I am IN the water. And I don't even know how to swim. I am not standing on the beach thinking of the sharks and the sting rays.. and the jelly fishes?
Batman: Are you saying I am afraid to face the dangers? And you think I am gonna watch you drown? Hey, I happen to like facing sharks. But there's only about two sharks. Its mostly jelly fishes.
Me: *I stare at him confused.*
Batman: Do you know anything about jelly fishes? The way it hunts and preys? Well, it's a beautiful thing to the sight. It sparkles and shows off its beauty, trying to lure its prey. It makes you want to touch it. But when you touch it, you get burned.
Me: *finally gets it.* Well, you can jump since you already KNOW that you're gonna get burned. You know that it's going to charm you and seduce you. And since you already know that, you can outwit them, right?
Batman: The thing is I like the jelly fishes. I WANT to touch the jelly fishes.
Me: Well you KNOW you're gonna get burned. So you HAVE TO resist it no matter how much it appeals to you.
Batman: Well that's true.
Me: So are you gonna jump or are you gonna just stand there on the beach and wonder about all the sharks and the whales and the jelly fishes?
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
022- Today.
Dear Batman,
Today, I am blogging from the place where I work. Everyone has left the office and gone home. I sit here alone listening to 'The dock of the bay by Sara Bareilles'. I am trying to savor the quiet, the silence. I wanna just pause the spiral of thoughts that seems to be circling at a 1000mph. I'll sit here as long as I need to clear my head. Coz honey, You've left my mind in a tangle.
Today, I am smiling. You know how people say work is stress, well I dare to differ. Work is therapeutic for me. I get to do what I love, and I get to avoid all the drama that seems to come from either relationships or friends and family. [No offense intended. You know I love ya. :P]
Today, right now, in this moment, I seem to be at peace. This place with its off white walls, [That's soon gonna be filled with art (hopefully with my genius ideas. ;) ) to lessen its slight dullness] dark brown doors and a cozy little table [which is the reception area.] with a comfy chair seems to calm my mind. I stare at the white fan as it goes round and round as does this earth with every passing second. But *I* somehow seem to be stuck. And oddly enough, I wanna remain like this. I don't wish to move forward. I just want You to stop those steps that you're taking forward and turn around. Coz hun, I have stopped walking. You gotta notice that I can't move forward anymore. You gotta understand that it'll hurt me if I try. You gotta come back. You gotta come stand beside me. You gotta stay here with me, until I CAN move. You gotta stop for me.
Today, as of now, I am drifting away from the mess that is unfortunately my life at the moment. Some music for my soul and some alone time for my mind is all I need as of now. Yes, I miss my life outside of these four walls. I miss the people who care about me. I miss the people who I KNOW loves me. But, the time I spend with them, it seems to be drifting us apart. Especially You and me. I screw up. A lot. But You already know that by now..
Today, I wanna lose myself and preferably never be found. But its up to You, to look for me. If You find me, I'll take it as a sign from God that this is meant to be. So, if You want me, come find me.
Love always.
I will always be here. :)
Today, I am blogging from the place where I work. Everyone has left the office and gone home. I sit here alone listening to 'The dock of the bay by Sara Bareilles'. I am trying to savor the quiet, the silence. I wanna just pause the spiral of thoughts that seems to be circling at a 1000mph. I'll sit here as long as I need to clear my head. Coz honey, You've left my mind in a tangle.
Today, I am smiling. You know how people say work is stress, well I dare to differ. Work is therapeutic for me. I get to do what I love, and I get to avoid all the drama that seems to come from either relationships or friends and family. [No offense intended. You know I love ya. :P]
Today, right now, in this moment, I seem to be at peace. This place with its off white walls, [That's soon gonna be filled with art (hopefully with my genius ideas. ;) ) to lessen its slight dullness] dark brown doors and a cozy little table [which is the reception area.] with a comfy chair seems to calm my mind. I stare at the white fan as it goes round and round as does this earth with every passing second. But *I* somehow seem to be stuck. And oddly enough, I wanna remain like this. I don't wish to move forward. I just want You to stop those steps that you're taking forward and turn around. Coz hun, I have stopped walking. You gotta notice that I can't move forward anymore. You gotta understand that it'll hurt me if I try. You gotta come back. You gotta come stand beside me. You gotta stay here with me, until I CAN move. You gotta stop for me.
Today, as of now, I am drifting away from the mess that is unfortunately my life at the moment. Some music for my soul and some alone time for my mind is all I need as of now. Yes, I miss my life outside of these four walls. I miss the people who care about me. I miss the people who I KNOW loves me. But, the time I spend with them, it seems to be drifting us apart. Especially You and me. I screw up. A lot. But You already know that by now..
Today, I wanna lose myself and preferably never be found. But its up to You, to look for me. If You find me, I'll take it as a sign from God that this is meant to be. So, if You want me, come find me.
Love always.
I will always be here. :)
Monday, June 6, 2011
021- Numb.
There used to be a heart here before, then it became a million pieces.
Nowadays all that's left is just an empty gaping hole where it used to be.
Expectations seduced me over and over again for a long time, until disappointment followed me everywhere.
He called me every morning to greet me with a mocking smile.
He laughed at my stupidity.
He never left me even for a second.
I couldn't get rid of him at all.
I started feeling suffocated.
I met someone on a lonely night, I was caught between the crossroads of lost friends and fading love.
I found my best friend that night.
The one that I could always count on.
His name was NUMB.
020- Pause.
I don't want to take another step,
But I don't want to go back either.
I don't want to move forward,
And yet I can't go back anymore.
I wanna lose myself in this moment,
A moment where its all in place.
I'll lose myself if I move forward,
I am sure I'll lose you, if I step back.
The house of cards that I keep building,
Over and over again.
It comes crashing down around me,
The echoes leaving me shaken.
Listen to my heart beat, darling,
Its singing my heart's melody.
The words are pouring through me,
If you listen you'll get the story.
Its telling you the things I want,
It says, 'Just stop here and now.
Lets freeze this moment of clarity,
Let it be, darling, just don't force.
Just halt this day of no confusion,
Listen, darling, lets just pause.'
But I don't want to go back either.
I don't want to move forward,
And yet I can't go back anymore.
I wanna lose myself in this moment,
A moment where its all in place.
I'll lose myself if I move forward,
I am sure I'll lose you, if I step back.
The house of cards that I keep building,
Over and over again.
It comes crashing down around me,
The echoes leaving me shaken.
Listen to my heart beat, darling,
Its singing my heart's melody.
The words are pouring through me,
If you listen you'll get the story.
Its telling you the things I want,
It says, 'Just stop here and now.
Lets freeze this moment of clarity,
Let it be, darling, just don't force.
Just halt this day of no confusion,
Listen, darling, lets just pause.'
Friday, June 3, 2011
019- Go back to the start.
I try so hard to make you see that I am RIGHT HERE. Beside you. And that I'll always be, no matter what. But it's like you have gone blind. I am standing in front of you and I am waving my hands. But you just can't seem to see me. I am screaming at the top of my voice and yet you don't seem to hear me. I am reaching out to you, but it feels like every step that I take just seems to stretch this distance between us farther apart. And the hardest part is that I don't even know what the problem is... How am I suppose to find a solution to a problem that I don't know about? :S I just wish there was some way for us to go back to the start...
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
018- Happily NEVER After.
So a while ago I started writing this story. It was called 'The Princess and the Dream.' It was suppose to be this love story where a princess fell in love with a commoner, someone who definitely doesn't fit with her. And it was suppose to be this romantic story of how the mere commoner turns out to be HER prince. The one who shows her a whole new world. Someone who makes all her dreams come true. Of course they were suppose to have their share of hardships. And yet they were gonna fight and somehow come out victorious. The King was suppose to finally come to accept the couple. His daughter, the princess with a mere commoner. He was suppose to give them his blessing, because family is everything. You do everything to make sure your family is happy. Basically, in the end, love was suppose to win. The story was suppose to have a happy ending. They were suppose to live happily ever after.
I spent days trying to put the story together. I had a clear view of how the story would end. Of how it should be. Of their happy ending. But the words never came out, you know why? Coz it's all a bunch of bullshit. Love conquers all, hah! What a bunch of crap! Happily ever afters DON'T exist in real life. Us, writers, we're so desperate and hung up on seeing a happy ending that we invent these stories of princes and horses and carriages and happily ever afters. We are so damn adamant on making it a happy ending. I have to tell myself to wake up, and look around. Nothing is perfect. There's no happily ever afters. Its time to face the REALITY!
In reality the story of princess Eva and the shoemaker, would go something like this. They met, they fell in love. The king got pissed, he banishes the shoemaker. And the princess just has to convince herself to move the hell on. Wipe those tears off your face. Hold your head high, princess! Coz the shoemaker might have been THE ONE! But we don't get to BE happy with our 'the ones'. One thing or another WILL tear you apart. Whether it be family or society. Coz this is life, its no fairytale. We don't get our happy endings. Family don't budge just coz you're in frigging LOOVE! Society won't go all 'AWWW' just because you and the shoemaker are an epic love story in the making. Love, its just another word in a million. It holds little meaning.
Its time to face reality. You're not gonna get your happily ever after. I am sorry, but that's just how it is. *shrugs*
I spent days trying to put the story together. I had a clear view of how the story would end. Of how it should be. Of their happy ending. But the words never came out, you know why? Coz it's all a bunch of bullshit. Love conquers all, hah! What a bunch of crap! Happily ever afters DON'T exist in real life. Us, writers, we're so desperate and hung up on seeing a happy ending that we invent these stories of princes and horses and carriages and happily ever afters. We are so damn adamant on making it a happy ending. I have to tell myself to wake up, and look around. Nothing is perfect. There's no happily ever afters. Its time to face the REALITY!
In reality the story of princess Eva and the shoemaker, would go something like this. They met, they fell in love. The king got pissed, he banishes the shoemaker. And the princess just has to convince herself to move the hell on. Wipe those tears off your face. Hold your head high, princess! Coz the shoemaker might have been THE ONE! But we don't get to BE happy with our 'the ones'. One thing or another WILL tear you apart. Whether it be family or society. Coz this is life, its no fairytale. We don't get our happy endings. Family don't budge just coz you're in frigging LOOVE! Society won't go all 'AWWW' just because you and the shoemaker are an epic love story in the making. Love, its just another word in a million. It holds little meaning.
Its time to face reality. You're not gonna get your happily ever after. I am sorry, but that's just how it is. *shrugs*
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