038- Repetition Compulsion.

While browsing through some random sites, I stumbled upon a site where the writer has written about ten psychological states. And one particular psychological state caught my eyes. See, for a long time now I have been trying to figure out why it is that I repeat a lot of the same things or situations, [mistakes mostly] that I have already done or been in before. I became confused so many times wondering why it is that I had this..uh.. pattern, you might call it. And tonight I read about this psychological state. Repetition compulsion.

Well, Wikipedia says that "Repetition compulsion is a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats a traumatic event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again." So basically it means that subconsciously we tend to repeat certain traumas or stressful events, even though we know very well that the outcome would not differ. 

As to why we do it, we do this subconsciously hoping that we would eventually master the sense of loss or hurt caused by the said trauma or event. For example a child in his crib, he throws his toy so that his mother would fetch it for him only to throw it out again. According to Sigmund Freud, [An Austrian neurologist who founded the discipline of psychoanalysis] the child does this in an attempt to master the sense of loss by having his mother go away without protesting.

In my experience, I have come across a lot of situations where I feel like I am doing the same thing over and over again as much as I am trying to change my course. I tend to make the same mistake and follow this pattern as much as I am trying to avoid that path. Anyhow, what I did understand is that eventually I dealt better with the situation. [That presented itself many times.] In my own way I have almost mastered the sense of hurt/humiliation/regret of my mistakes by SUBCONSCIOUSLY repeating them. ALMOST. I know now that as much as I feel like an idiot for making those mistakes, I can endure the regret. I know now that I wont beat myself over it, or feel bad about myself. Coz in the end, every mistake [even if it was repeated a countless times.] it teaches you something. Something new every single time.

See, I am not gonna make statements. Coz who KNOWS what will happen, right? But this I know, I survived all of my mistakes, I can survive a million more. [as long as I learn something from it, eh? :P] Sooner or later, Insha Allah, I will get it right!