069- For the First Time Ever.

[Picture borrowed from sandboxgeneral.com ]

Music seems sweeter, inside this fortress,
The stars shine brighter, through these windows.
The warmth seems much comforting,
And for the first time ever, I am following this dream.

The leaves fall around me, captured through a camera,
The light grazing the silence, filled by only sighs.
Figures drawn on a canvas, by an artist indeed,
For the first time ever, I am flying free.

The smile keeps etching, much deeper this time,
The heart keeps filling, with much too much.
It grows much heavier, with all the dreams,
And for the fist time ever, I could see me well.

The time grows shorter, with every passing second,
Even if I left, I am bound to come back here.
As I walk outside, with a wave goodbye,
For the first time ever, I am finally real.

29122011 1330

068- Forever shall we Be?

Heart beats together,
entwined through a love.
A love stronger than ever,
we're flying high above.
Breaths come out heavier,
synchronized through a hope.
Alas, has come my saviour,
to make me strong- to cope.
Away you were whenever,
My smile I missed the most.
No matter we are wherever,
With you I'll smile through the worst.
The parts I've seen never,
presents itself to me.
Could the moment go on forever,
forever shall we be?

067- Perfume

A drop of heaven, upon her palm,
Another black raven, roams her calm.

A whiff of memories, inside her soul,
A million times colder, became this cold.

Walk through a lane, left so far behind,
Aching for more, she loses her mind.

Film strips running, behind closed eyes,
She smiles a while, as inside it dies.

[Picture borrowed from graphicsfairy.blogspot.com ]

A sniff of nostalgia, runs through the skin,
Eyes so silently starting to brim.

Clutching those knees, wouldn't let go,
Is this is all that's left to live for?

Bathing her body in that heavenly scent,
Silent tremors within, it sent.

A moment it stays, its goes with a whim,
At least for a moment, she's got herself in him.

066- And the Sun fell in love with the Moon.

[ Picture borrowed from http://www.aparnaonline.com/sunmoon.html ]

I am the shining light upon all of you.
I am the guiding stone to your every move.
I am the pathway into the night.
The night, where she'll appear in all her awing beauty.
The night, where we have to part to exist.
I wait just below the horizon helplessly, wishing I could touch her.
She makes me who I am, the Day.
And she, the Queen of the Night.
On a few lucky days, I am humbled to exist in the same sky as her for just a while.
And just when I am comforted by her presence, I am forced to hide.
For the night is hers, and the day mine.
And the fate that we could never exist at the same time, would forever hurt my soul.
To be so close, and yet so far away.

Always together, but forever apart.
----------------------------------------------------------------

He is the shining light upon all of you.
He is the guiding stone to your every move.
He is the pathway into the night.
The night, where I appear reluctantly in a sky where he is no longer shining.
The night, where we have to part to exist.
I revolve through the sky, hoping, wishing we could be one in the same.
He makes me who I am, the Night.
And He, the Shining Light.
On a few lucky days, I am humbled to exist in the same sky as him for just a while.
And just when I am comforted by his presence, he sinks down into the horizon, leaving me aching with loneliness.
For the day is his, and the night mine.
And the fate that we could never exist at the same time, would break me into million pieces inside.
To be so close, and yet so far away.

Always together, but forever apart.

065- Your Someone Else.

Thought we said Forever,
Thought it would always be me,
Thought we'd stick til the end.

Thought life would be one,
Thought we'd walk  together,
Thought I'd have you as my comfort.

Promises should still be alive,
Distances should have ceased,
Memories should be my reality.

And here I stand today,
I am looking and you now,
Greeting Your Someone Else..

064- MISC Revolution.

For years and years I have been fed up of hearing Dhivehi songs that has been downright copied from their original hindhi versions. For years Maldivian youth has quite honestly spit upon corny, unoriginal songs that I am sometimes surprised doesn't blow up our ears.

Our music industry has always been popular with these types of music whilst harboring raw and original talent right underneath their noses. A question that often ran through my mind has been that WHY wasn't these musicians as popular as they SHOULD be amongst us? I think a close answer to that would be that, our society lacked the proper exposure that they needed. Until MISC, that is. =D

What is MISC, I am sure you'll all want to know. MISC, Music In Social Community is the one and only magazine about music in Maldives. MISC has been tremendously helpful for young and upcoming musicians to rise above, as well as closet music freaks [Like me. =P] to be able to enhance their knowledge in music. MISC has been playing a very active role in broadening the horizons of our Maldivian music industry from the very first issue.

MISC magazine is freely distributed at different points all over the Maldives. Copies can be found in airports, resort libraries, music shops, waiting areas and where not. Thereby, the magazine is continuously encouraging  our new and upcoming artists as well as helping in throwing a few hundred pennies in our music knowledge jar. The magazine reaches an estimated audience of 70,000 per issue.

The first MISC magazine was issued in April 2010. It featured The story of Addo, a former band member from the band of a legendary musician Fasy. The first issue also featured a VERY interesting article titled 'History Plays the Real Chords of Music.' which shed some light on how music originated in Maldives, which instruments were used then and how it has been evolved through the ages. Among other articles were lessons on guitar playing aimed for beginners [Like moi. :P] and an introduction of an up and coming band. Basically, the first issue rocked my socks off. Kinda sure it will rock yours off too. ;)

MISC went online on 1st of December 2011. This would be the very first time that a magazine has gone online where each issue can be viewed and read with a click of your mouse right in your bed.  The website for the awesome mag is http://www.misc-maldives.com.

So far four issues of MISC has been released, each getting better and better than the last. MISC featured the beautiful and very talented Unoosha in their second issue along with an exclusive interview. The third issue featured the TV talent show, 'Guitar Idol' place winners. [1st, 2nd and 3rd place holders] A talent show that exposed a great amount of talented musicians in the Maldives. The last issue featured our top-notch Boduberu group Harubee. The issue also covered an article on the history of Boduberu thereby helping the society strengthen the roots of the true Maldivian music. MISC has been continuously providing us with vital info on the History of Maldivian music with every issue and also been encouraging people to learn more through the music lessons section in every issue.

MISC has also participated in a great number of Music events. MISC was the official media partner of the Boduberu Challenge show, the official magazine of the Esa live in Concert and also the official magazine of Unoosha, live in Colombo and Sounds of Maldives. Basically, MISC is definitely the 'IT' product of the music scene. 

Furthermore, MISC an easy way to advertise your bands and come out of that comfort zone of your rooms into stardom amongst celebrated Maldivian musicians. So pick up that guitar and contact our very own music industry revolutionaries. =)

MISC is also on Facebook, so log on and click that thumbs up and share with your friends. =)
[ http://www.facebook.com/pages/MISC-Music-In-Social-Community/120939607991149 ]
Aaaaand also join the MISC group for updates at:
[ http://www.facebook.com/groups/MISC.Magazine/ ]

Counting seconds until the next issue. =)

Wishing MISC a bright and looooong future ahead. Sincerely, a big fan. =)

[Post dedicated to my 'Charming' friend, K. You know who you are. :P]

063- Faith Bulb.

A friend said to me today that Faith is not some kinda Eternal Flame. And that instead its a f**ked up light bulb that flickers. That LIFE is what makes our Faith flicker.

I was very curious about religion even as a child. And there were some very awkward moments when I questioned my sisters why hidhuism couldnt be it. [Thanks to being brought up in a home with 24/7 Hindhi soap series on the TV. =P] Anyway, as I grew older I knew what was right not just because my parents told me so, but because I researched and read things and decided on my own what I would choose to believe.

I believe myself to have a good morale, a conscience that's still alive. I think I've always had Faith. I think I've always believed. But as my friend said, the Faith bulb flickers. And so did mine. At several points of my life. And it saddens me that tonight seems to be one of those points in my life.

I have a tendency of making mistakes and then REPEATING them on top of it. I honestly don't know why I do it. And according to what *I* believe, a man is suppose to control his actions. And the fact that my own behaviour goes against my beliefs completely pisses me off at times. Moments like these is when the Faith bulb threatens to blow off. Moments like these is when I catch myself to be without reason and hopeless..

[ Picture borrowed from beyondthecanvas.blogspot.com ]

Faith is what keeps me from harming my own self. Image and mentality both. Faith is what protects me from a cruel world. Faith is what gives me hope just enough to exclude being disappointed. Faith is what teaches me boundaries. And Faith is what holds me together.

I guess I knew what would put me out of my misery even as I was writing this.. Its that I gotta get that bulb back on. Coz even when every single person leaves my side, Faith is what will keep me together.. isn't it?

062- 'Feelings?'

I realized that I am not a good person.. I try to be. Really hard. And yet I end up making mistake after mistake hoping that the outcome would be different. I must be either really stupid or clinically insane. I do this thing where when I am unhappy about something I do something that I HOPE would take my mind off it which actually just makes everything much worse. I am looking desperately for an escape and every door just seems to lead me to a path that will sink me deeper into this shit.

Honestly I am tired of making mistakes. But I dont have any idea what to do about it...

061- An Attempt at Writing a Dhivehi Poem.

  Iraadhaiga nuvaa, 

            kithamme kamakah ma edhuneemey
  Ufaa nei maguga hingamun eyru, 

            ufaathah ves ma hoadheemey
  Fennane kamugaa e dhuvas, 

            hithu alhaigen ma hureemey
  Umeedhu fundu vedhiyumun miyadhu, 

            mayoosve mitha eba hureemey

  Buni haa kameh kohdhee, 

            buni komme gothakah ma ulhuneemey
  Vaan neygunu loabi eyru, 

            kithamme varakahves ma veemey
  Loabin naseyhaidhee,

            firumamun ma aadheys kureemey
  Badhaleh feneythoa ethakeh dhuvas, 

            boa haasvefaa ma hureemey

  Dheloa feni loabi vee iru, 

            ethah umeedheh kurevunee ey
  Nudhaan azum kendi namaves, 

            ethah faharakume dhevunee ey
  Dhaan negi komme fiyavalhakun, 

            hithuga veyneh ufedhunee ey
  Dheveyne mageh nethi ethaa, 

            ethah dhuvahaku hurevunee ey
-F

060- Solitude

When the only sound you clearly hear,
Are waves caressing the sandy shore,
When you hold on to your deepest fears,
As you breathe the wind into your core.
When your mind refuses to ever be clear,
And you smile pretending you never hurt before,
When you suppress those endless angry tears,
And you let the cold numb your every pore.
When you smile back at a boy, looking so dear,
And you know your heart wont race anymore,
When you talk through those ceaseless fears,
And you know those stars wont shine like they did before.

059- Clocks

A tick of a clock is all I know,
A tick of a clock and nothing more.
Time pass me by, I am sitting here,
Wanting to fly, engulfed in fear.
You got me worried, you got me scared,
Don't you do all that I wouldn't have dared.
Aint no way to leave, honey my dear,
Gotta stay til it all becomes crystal clear.
Aint no way to say this hurried goodbye,
Gotta stay strong without a single cry.
This world may never know who we are,
Gotta stay strong till we can go away, so far.
Hurting every second, apart we may be,
The clock will stop, and a new world we shall see.
Until that time you stay where you are,
And honey I promise I'll stay where I am.

058- Not Every Story Has a Happy Ending.

It was an early morning in the middle of February, when a feeble thread ran a few thousand miles to connect our hearts in this confused road. Even though that this was going to prove to be an even darker abyss that I was falling than I ever imagined possible, I remember a feeling of... well, I was feeling good.

Ever since that first hello, I had my heart racing at every word we exchanged. And with every word we exchanged, I was sure I wanted to know more. Now I will be honest, there came a point when I thought I didn't want to know you anymore. Partly because I was fed up of trying to 'save' people, another part was that I was completely and utterly afraid. So when my heart started flying away from the sanctuary of a scarred chest, I aimed to fight yet ended up surrendering instead.

I know it might have been a poor choice to trust you completely with all of myself, but I did because I was sure that ahead we had a brighter path. Bright it was only for a while. Soon after, dark days came and passed me by only to return after a while. Dark days beat me until I was numb, but honey I swear I never gave up. Things looked bleak even in the light of our love. Was I to have turned a blind eye on it all?

Nights that my mind wandered, I lay in my bed wondering. What makes this any different than the ones before? What was it that made this stand out? And even after half a year of trying to figure it out, I am still not sure. The only thing that came even slightly closer to an answer was that, your intentions were good. Despite all that took place in between that moment of clarity to the moment of utter confusion,  I guess I held on all these while because I was so sure of those three words that so often you whispered in my ears.

I forgave and forgave every mistake that you made. I forgave every hurtful word that came out of your mouth. I saw that you were straying even when you stayed on this path. I saw all of you yet I chose to be blind. I waited a long time with my arms outstretched. I waited a long time hoping you'd let me save you. 

There came a point when doubts took over every square inch of my mind. And because of those doubts I left and left again only to end up back in front of your door. But I can honestly say that the thought of you never left my mind. You must have thought that I didn't care, but it was because I cared that I left so many times. I've always wanted what was best for you. And I am truly sorry I could never prove that to you.

And I've loved you like I've never dared to love before. And I've trusted you enough to show parts of me that I had kept hidden a million years. And I've hoped like I've never known heartbreak before.. yet I sit here wondering.. What good is a love that doesn't give you hope? What good is a trust that doesn't teach you trust? What good is a hope that will shatter in the end? What good is it all, if in the end it all holds no meaning in your eyes?

What difference does it make, if you end up damned anyways?

057- The story of Anyone and No one by E. E. Cummings.

“Anyone lived in a pretty how town
(with up so floating many bells down)
spring summer autumn winter
he sang his didn't he danced his did

Women and men(both little and small)
cared for anyone not at all
they sowed their isn't they reaped their same
sun moon stars rain

children guessed(but only a few
and down they forgot as up they grew
autumn winter spring summer)
that noone loved him more by more

when by now and tree by leaf
she laughed his joy she cried his grief
bird by snow and stir by still
anyone's any was all to her

someones married their everyones
laughed their cryings and did their dance
(sleep wake hope and then)they
said their nevers they slept their dream

stars rain sun moon
(and only the snow can begin to explain
how children are apt to forget to remember
with up so floating many bells down)

one day anyone died i guess
(and noone stooped to kiss his face)
busy folk buried them side by side
little by little and was by was

all by all and deep by deep
and more by more they dream their sleep
noone and anyone earth by april
wish by spirit and if by yes.

Women and men (both dong and ding)
summer autumn winter spring
reaped their sowing and went their came
sun moon stars rain”

~A poem that I came across while googling E.E. Cummings that I am absolutely in love with. :)

056- Prayer.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

May Allah bless his soul and grant him Jannah. And may Allah give strength to all those who are grieving his death. Ameen.

055- In Another Universe.

I ran into my Daddy’s arms as he walked in from work. I pull his tie with my tiny hands. I am three years old and I am a happy little girl. Daddy holds my hand while he asks about my day and I answer  him with a bubbly voice while I stare at him with my innocent eyes.  We find my Mom sitting in our rocking chair and she smiles at Daddy as we walk towards her. Daddy places his hand on my Mom’s head and kisses her hair lovingly. I smile a broad smile while I climb on her lap. A happy family, that’s what we are.

I am six years old. I sit by a little table with paint and colours all over my hands and dress. I am painting pictures of flying birds, of happy little families. I run around the house searching for my mother. I show her my painting, she marvels at my talent. Such happy thoughts, such inspirational art. And I hug my Mom tight. Carefree I am.

I have graduated high school. I smile down at my parents while I received my certificate. I am sixteen now, my eyes filled with dreams.  My Mom and Dad hug me, their eyes full of happy tears. Dad has gotten me a spot in one of the best art schools. My future is bright. I am gonna live my dreams.

I am eighteen years old. It’s a huge birthday party. My parents celebrate every year, yet somehow this year seems more defined. I am having fun. I am ecstatic. A room full of people, a house full of people who loves me.  And across the room, I see a boy. He sits by a table and stares at me. Perhaps it is love at first sight. And I realize, I am in love.

Considering I didn’t know how it happened, it DID happen with the perfect person. He’s hardworking he’s loving and he’s responsible. I know he’ll take good care of me. I wont have a single worry on my mind. In a long white dress I stand in front of him. I am his forever. Until death do us part. This is it, this is my happy ending

Suddenly I wake, I am covered in sweat. I hear feet dragging on the floor. He’s home now, my father, and drunk like hell. And there sits my mother swallowing sobs inside of her. I sit inside my room, where I lose my mind. And my life flashes before my eyes. A drunken father, depressed mother and fourteen years of being abused in more ways than one.  I look at the walls with my paintings. I stare at those walls covered with blacks and reds of my life. And I sigh as I think of what could have been. What could have been, had it been in another Universe.

054- A picture, Memories and A Ghost of a Smile.

Life for me will always be one without you here by my side. A life where I wont see you smile
down at me, the way you always did before. A smile that I'll forever remember until I die.

Life will always be one where I wont see your handsome face. Instead I'll always carry a picture.
A picture to which, every night I'll say goodnight. A picture on which I'll lay a kiss every
night before I sleep.

And yes, the memories. The memories I take wherever I go. Whatever I do. The memories of a loving You and a lucky me. The memories of a guy who loved me like I was the only thing in the world. The memories of a perfect time. The memories of my smile whenever you were around. Memories which, every time conjured up a ghost of that smile.

Yes, it would hurt, never being able to see those eyes. It would hurt never being able to be held in
your arms. It would hurt so much to never hear you say my name. And it would hurt like hell to
never be able to call you mine. But what would hurt the most is knowing that I chose this life,
a life without you. Coz as much as we want our own happy ending, seldom does things ever go the we thought it would..

And so a picture I hug before I sleep. Memories I carry wherever I go. And that ghost of a smile
is all I have left of the person I used to be...

053- For one more day by Mitch Albom.

"People figure I crossed the line. They ask themselves, 'Could I ever get as close as he did?'
The truth is there is no line. There's only your life, how you mess it up and who is there to save you.
Or who isn't."

For one more day by Mitch Albom is the story of a former pro ball player named Charlie 'Chick' Benetto. A man drowning himself in the oceans of alcohol and regrets. He loses his job, his wife and his family at the claws of alcohol. Basically, he hits rock bottom. Which is when he decides to take his own life.
He drives to his hometown, where he decides to end it all. And as he enters a house from his memories, he finds his mother. A woman who died eight years ealier. She welcomes her son as though the years apart had been merely a myth.

A day with his dead mother, a seemingly ordinary day that would change his life. A day that would give him the chance to make up to a lost loved one. A day that would give him a chance to ask for forgiveness..

For me personally, this book has DEFINITELY struck a chord. Mitch Albom is an author that changes my thinking, that pulls me back from the brink of giving up. This books helps me gain my perspective on what is important, and that things that have gone wrong and the mistakes that you've made can indeed be fixed. If not fixed, it can be repented. It gives me hope.

052- When things get bottled up,,

"Look me in the eye, and tell me I was wrong!" 230811
-F

Haunting Ghosts. 270711
-F

'My world was on fire, no one could save me but You.' -Wicked Game by Chris Isaac. 250711
-F

*When things get bottled up, its spills on to these few pages...

051- Letters to My Bestfriend [Post 049 Continued.]

Dear Emily,
I sit here by the computer with no light surrounding me except the light from my screen. I sat here reading and re-reading the letter I wrote to you a year ago on this very day. Yes, it has been 1 year and six days since you left. And quite a year it has been.

After my endless attempts at sabotaging my whole life by not going to school and after I went deaf and dumb, my family finally forced me enough to get a grip. To be honest, it wasn't even them. It was the thought that you would be crushed if you knew I had become that person. The person who stops living after one bump along the way. I didn't want to be that person.

I pulled myself together, I started going to school. I studied hard, I pulled up my grades and I even started eating dinner with everyone Mom and Dad. Mom keeps telling me I should make new friends, and so I started hanging out with our old gang. But it still isn't the same without you. Jenny and Martha keeps treating me as though I am a charity case. And that pisses the hell out of me. But I cant even say anything to get out of their endless pity parties.

And here I am today after a year, still standing straight. But I wonder Em, I wonder if I am REALLY living. It feels like ever since you died, I died WITH you. I feel like a lifeless being walking around doing what everyone wants me to do. Smiling and faking every day of my life. And I can't help but wonder what you would say, if you had been here.

I still miss you everyday and I still feel stuck. The only difference is that I can fake it now. I can fake the hell out of it.

Love,
Kate.

050- Eighteen.

I haven't been writing at all for a long time now eh? The reason would be that I was very busy with a workshop on Autism at our center. Anyhow, I am back! :D

After a hard and hectic workshop, I finally received my certificate. It was a very good feeling, I tell you. I have a glowing sense of accomplishment. It was hard and I got through it! And it feels great! :D

Well, anyway, the big news is that on the 18th of this month I turned Eighteen. *Hi5* [ ;) ] How did I celebrate my birthday? Well, I had started making this new dress for my birthday ages before the day and I got all dressy and went out to my Birthday celebration/Breaking fast with my very closest friends. The food was really good and we had lots of fun. The chicken was to die for! o.o After wards we went to walk by the sea, us girls. Hence, the day was just about perfect! ^.^

I will be updating soon with something good. Til then take care! :)

Also, a very big thank you to everyone who wished! :)

049- The story goes...

And the story goes in such a way,
A way that would break a broken soul.
A girl was scarred by blood of her own,
and sworn she has to forever be silent.
She walked through the doors gracefully,
A pasted smile and a practiced laugh.
She had a cloak over her life,
A cloak that was meant to hide her pain.
A well thought out masquerade,
while she revels in her misery.
A prince walks into her crumbled life.
Puts the pieces together again.
Colours her life with hope and dreams,
Of things that shattered her very core.
A life she had before he came,
A life that was thoroughly broken.
He wears his mask well in place,
charms her into an endless haze.
Whoever would have predicted,
the charming prince was indeed a demon in disguise?

048- An attempt for a Story.

Hey guys! So I am planning on writing a series of letters in form of a story. So the basic outline of the story is that these said letters are from a girl to her deceased best friend at different points of her life. Now, I am gonna go ahead and warn you, I have a tendency of not finishing stories that I start. :/ So I am gonna just go ahead and say I am sorry in case that does happen. But I will try my very best to finish this time. :) Hope you all like it. And please leave as many comments as you want. Remember the comments are what keeps me going. ;)

So here goes...
                                                       *                 *                *

Dear Emily,
Today is six days after you left me. Six incredibly messed up days after having cried my eyes out in front of a thousand people. Six sleepless nights trying to figure out a way to reach out to you, to communicate and to pour my heart out to you like I did so many times before. 'Pour my heart out', it sounds cliche', I know Em. But come to think of it now, that was what we always did.

Tell me something, Em? Is it possible to reach out to the dead? Is it possible that these words I am writing will float to you wherever you are at this moment? Heaven or no heaven, could my feelings be felt by you even now, just like you always did before? Well, I honestly thought that if I had died before you did, I would spend my after life haunting you, following you around and scaring you to death. [Occasionally, as it DOES sound hilarious.] The least I can expect is that you are standing behind this very moment reading the sort of crap that I always happen to write.

I know what you'll be thinking if you were here right now. You would think that I am crazy. Well, 'Crazy but incredibly awesome' as you always preferred to say. I know that this is a tad bit crazy. [Well, a LOT crazier than I'd dare to admit to myself.] But Em, I feel lost without you. I can't shake off the image of you in a hospital bed while you took your very last breath. It just sucks like hell. I am just a kid, I am 15. How can I just learn to live without the one person who used to be like an extended part of me? How can I live without my best friend? How can I move on without you, Em?

And how is it fair for God to take you away. You were just 15 yourself. You had your whole life ahead of you. We were going to do so many things together. Hell, we even said that when we got married and had kids, we would even make our kids marry each other. We had so many dreams. You had so many dreams. How is it fair?

I know we had a lot of good memories together before you were diagnosed with Cancer. So many epic moments with each other doing things that were both silly and absolutely crazy. And even after the big C hung over our heads, never once did you complain. Never once did you let us know how crushed and sad you must've been. You were always that way, never wanting to burden anyone with your sadness. Instead you were always the one who shared your happiness around. Spreading the smile that always accompanied you everywhere. I have had 8 years of good memories with you and yet all I remember now is your ashen face and chapped lips. Cracking with every attempt and making everyone laugh.

I don't know what to do, Em. I haven't gone to school in these 6 days, and honestly I don't suppose I can. I got through school everyday only because I had you standing beside me. And now I am just stuck. I need you here, Em. I need you back. And it breaks my heart that there's NO WAY that, that is possible.

Your best friend,
Kate.

047- Ramadan Mubarak.

Its not too late to change your ways and repent your mistakes. Kneel in Sajdha and ask God for forgiveness and to strengthen your Imaan this Ramadan.

The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said "There has come to you Ramadan, a blessed month which Allah has enjoined you to fast, during which the gates of heaven are opened and the gates of Hell are closed, and the rebellious devils are chained up. In it there is a night which is better than a thousand months, and whoever is deprived of its goodness is indeed deprived."
[Sunan al-Nasaa'i (2106) and others - Classed as Sahih by Sh al-Albaani in Sahih al-Targheeb wa Tarheeb (999)]

Ramadan Mubarak. :)

046- The things that he will never say.

[Picture borrowed from http://www.flickr.com/photos/haani/4041663338/]

Dear Son,

First of all I should start by saying that I am sorry. I know it's a long due apology, but son, know that I mean every single word I am writing. In the years that have passed, I have failed to give you a good home that you needed. I have failed to support you financially AND emotionally. I have failed to encourage you to pursue your dreams. I have failed to be there when you needed wise words. I have failed to set the example of how a good man should be. But most of all, I am sorry coz I have failed to become a father to you.

All my life I have wasted years and years disappointing and letting down all of my family. I have wasted years being childish and immature. I have wasted years in my naivete. I have wasted years being completely useless and absent from your life where I needed to be. And for that I sit here grieving my mistakes.

Son, I see you slipping through the light. I see you falling into dark. And honestly, I feel like I am to blame. And so today, I want to help. I want to say those long due wise words, that I am sure you've longed for all your life.

Son, the path you're taking will only lead you to a life of disappointment. It will only make you miserable and alone like I am today. I know things get hard every now and then. And the good times seems to be like precious jems. Like those precious jems, good times are hard to find in the dirty mud that our lives has become. But son hold on, don't give up hope. Don't make the mistakes that I have done. Don't fall into that hole knowing that there's no way back. Turn to God, before it's too late. Kneel before him and ask for forgiveness. Lord knows how I regret not having knelt in prayer even once all my life. And for that today I cry in Sajdha everyday, begging for forgiveness. You've seen my life pass before your eyes. Don't let yourself become the failure that I am.

I have little time to change my ways. I have little time to make up for my mistakes. My life changing turns has long passed me by. And I am afraid its too late for me to go back. But son, you have the chance to change. You still have the chance to undo the mistakes that have been done. To become the man that you and I both know that you can be. So son, don't let yourself be the person that you've hated all your life.

Its not too late to change your life and to ask Allah for forgiveness. Coz He is most Merciful and Forgiving.  I want to end my letter with a Dua. A Dua that's coming from a man with a lifetime of regrets and a man desperate to do whatever he can to help his son as he's counting his last days upon this earth. May Allah show you the right path before its too late. And may Allah guide you to a life of success and honor. Ameen.

Love,
Daddy.