058- Not Every Story Has a Happy Ending.

It was an early morning in the middle of February, when a feeble thread ran a few thousand miles to connect our hearts in this confused road. Even though that this was going to prove to be an even darker abyss that I was falling than I ever imagined possible, I remember a feeling of... well, I was feeling good.

Ever since that first hello, I had my heart racing at every word we exchanged. And with every word we exchanged, I was sure I wanted to know more. Now I will be honest, there came a point when I thought I didn't want to know you anymore. Partly because I was fed up of trying to 'save' people, another part was that I was completely and utterly afraid. So when my heart started flying away from the sanctuary of a scarred chest, I aimed to fight yet ended up surrendering instead.

I know it might have been a poor choice to trust you completely with all of myself, but I did because I was sure that ahead we had a brighter path. Bright it was only for a while. Soon after, dark days came and passed me by only to return after a while. Dark days beat me until I was numb, but honey I swear I never gave up. Things looked bleak even in the light of our love. Was I to have turned a blind eye on it all?

Nights that my mind wandered, I lay in my bed wondering. What makes this any different than the ones before? What was it that made this stand out? And even after half a year of trying to figure it out, I am still not sure. The only thing that came even slightly closer to an answer was that, your intentions were good. Despite all that took place in between that moment of clarity to the moment of utter confusion,  I guess I held on all these while because I was so sure of those three words that so often you whispered in my ears.

I forgave and forgave every mistake that you made. I forgave every hurtful word that came out of your mouth. I saw that you were straying even when you stayed on this path. I saw all of you yet I chose to be blind. I waited a long time with my arms outstretched. I waited a long time hoping you'd let me save you. 

There came a point when doubts took over every square inch of my mind. And because of those doubts I left and left again only to end up back in front of your door. But I can honestly say that the thought of you never left my mind. You must have thought that I didn't care, but it was because I cared that I left so many times. I've always wanted what was best for you. And I am truly sorry I could never prove that to you.

And I've loved you like I've never dared to love before. And I've trusted you enough to show parts of me that I had kept hidden a million years. And I've hoped like I've never known heartbreak before.. yet I sit here wondering.. What good is a love that doesn't give you hope? What good is a trust that doesn't teach you trust? What good is a hope that will shatter in the end? What good is it all, if in the end it all holds no meaning in your eyes?

What difference does it make, if you end up damned anyways?