Tuesday, May 31, 2011

017- Don't give up on me.


Even when the times are rough,
Even when it seems too much,
Even when the hope is lost,
Just don't give up.

Even when it seems impossible,
Even when everyone leaves,
Even when everything's gone,
Just don't give up.

Even when I am the only one,
Even when you've lost it all,
Even when you want run,
Just hold on. Don't let me go. Just fight. Just don't give up.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

016- 26 things I'd like to do before I die.

26* Learn how to swim.
25* Learn how to play guitar.
24* Learn a new language.
23* Spend a week in bed doing absolutely nothing.
22* Hit a guy hard between the legs.
21* Sky dive.
20* Jump from a cliff and still survive.
19* Build a career in Special Education.
18* Change a life.
17* Find true love.
16* Get married.
15* Have a baby.
14* Build a good home.
13* Bring up a good daughter/son.
12* Be someone's Everything.
11* Make someone proud.
10* Earn a Masters Degree.
9* Run a help hotline for victims of rape/abuse.
8* Build a school that provides education for children with disabilities.
7* Go to Rome.
6* Travel the world.
5* Make a Hajj.
4* Settle a score with Someone that has wronged me.
3* Feel how it feels like to find true happiness.
2* Ask God for forgiveness for everything that I did wrong.
1* Thank God for everything that he had given me.

Friday, May 27, 2011

015- I'll stand right here.

We walk through the doors, you and I,
We got nothing to say, we avoid each others' eyes.
We've hurt each other, beyond repair,
I say I don't, but I still do care.
You're my blood, my family, a part of me,
As much as you want, I can't just let you be.
Mistakes were made, by you and I,
Mine maybe greater, and for that I cry.
It breaks my heart, to see this ghost of you,
I see your face, but somehow I have lost you.
I see you breaking in front of me,
Like I did too, just wanting someone to notice me.
I want to be there, yet you push me away,
I wanna help, yet I don't know what to say.
I feel so helpless, like my hands are tied,
I can't do anything right, no matter how hard I tried.
I just want you to know, I am standing here,
With my hands outstretched, I can wipe your tears.
Just take my hand, just let me help,
I'll stand right here, as long as it takes.

I love you always, no matter what.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

014- Search For You...

I woke up with thoughts of you,
that's still fresh in my mind.
I reached out and searched for you,
but your face I couldn't find.

I woke up with a dream of you,
that's still playing behind my eyes.
Only you and you alone,
I had broken all the worldly ties.

I woke up with a hope for you,
And in my heart a faith so blind.
I reached out and searched for you,
But your face I couldn't find...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

013- Reflection?

 So just now I was going through some Facebook like pages and saw a page that said this:
"I miss you, the old you, Not this stupid show you put on for everyone, every single day...... What happened to you ?"

Well, it kinda reminded me of me... *shrugs*

012- The Princess and the Dream. [Part 1]

Once upon a time, there lived a King and a Queen in a faraway castle. The King and Queen had only one daughter. Her name was Eva. She was a beautiful princess with porcelain skin and features sculpted to perfection. She had long ebony black hair that flowed down to her waist in soft curls. She had a smile that brightened anyone's day, and yet her eyes, it looked sad.

She hated her castle. She hated the way she was never allowed to go out into the real world alone. To explore the village by herself. She hated the way she was never allowed to do anything on her own. She hated the way servants did all the things for her. In her heart she carried one dream, a dream of traveling to a faraway place, where she'd be free and independent. She wanted to leave but she couldn't for she loved the King and Queen too much.

One day a shoemaker was summoned to the castle as the princess wished to have new shoes made for her. The princess sat in her throne while the servants brought the shoemaker to her. Princess Eva watched in awe as a tall, handsome man walked into the room in strong confident strides. He had broad shoulders and muscular arms. He greeted the princess while he bowed before her.

As the shoemaker was taking her measurements and asking the princess about the kind of shoes she wanted, she watched him without a word. "Tell me something, shoemaker. What is your name?" The princess finally found her speech. The shoemaker lifted his eye brows in surprise. None of the royalties ever bothered to inquire the name of someone like him, a mere commoner. "Uh.. My name is Edward, your highness." She smiled in return, that bright smile that lights up the whole room. "Please, call me Eva." She said as she smiled into his greyish-brown eyes.


To be continued... :)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

011- Honey, You need to lose some weight?

Suppose your boyfriend/husband tells you that you need to lose weight. What do you do? How do you react? A thousand questions runs through your mind as soon as the words are out of his mouth. Does he hate the way I look? Does he think I am ugly? Suppose if I get even bigger, will he leave me for someone with a better body? Will he stop loving me if I fail to lose weight? Is he only into looks? Is he even worth it? Etc etc.

And eventually these questions, they plague your mind with insecurities. You start feeling self conscious when you're around him. You start second guessing yourself. You start losing your self-worth. You start feeling frustrated. You wanna just cut out that part of you that he doesn't like. Basically, you feel like shit.

Is this how someone who loves you should make you feel? Is this how you feel when you're with that one person who claims to love you despite everything? Shouldn't he tell you that you're beautiful, no matter what? Isn't he suppose to find you attractive even when you have just woken up from the bed with your hair all over your face and god forbid, some drool running down the corner of your lips? Isn't he suppose to tell you you're beautiful when you have a really bad cold and your eyes are all swollen and your nose is all red and you have snotty tissues all over your bed?

If he makes you feel like shit, then is he truly the one you're meant to be with? Is he the one you see your whole life with? Imagine a life where you have to feel like you're ugly and unworthy of anyone's love. Imagine a life where you compare yourself with every person you see and the only thing you see are the way sometimes your tummy flab hangs and your thighs jiggle every time you walk. It's okay to feel that way sometimes, if only you have someone to tell you're beautiful no matter how you look. Someone who sees a beautiful person when he looks into your eyes. Someone who thinks you're gorgeous even when you wear your baggy clothes and hide every inch of your skin. Someone who sees you in you. But if that person says you're ugly and fat too then you're screwed.

You know he loves you and you know he's just saying those things coz he wants you to feel good about yourself. But how he says it is the most important thing. If he doesn't choose his words right, he's bound to lose something that could've been the best thing in his life.


So.. Is he the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?

Monday, May 23, 2011

010- I feel...

I feel sad. Just plainly sad. I don't have a reason to be sad though. Nothing happened today that SHOULD make me sad. And yet here I am, feeling the way I am feeling- Sad.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

009- My Heart Prays.


May Allah give me strength to refrain myself from all the worldly temptations. Ameen.

Friday, May 20, 2011

008- A Letter.

Dear Guy in the Yellow Jersey,

A few months ago you strolled in to my life- calm and quiet. Silent, you were. There was something about you that caught my eye. Maybe it was the way you lowered your gaze when our eyes met, or maybe it was the lazy smile that flashed just a moment before you averted your eyes. You weren't like everyone else, you were distant and unreachable.

I never felt that way before. I couldn't get your image out of my head. Your yellow jersey, your soccer shoes and the way your eyes crinkled attractively when you smiled. I was feeling something and it confused me. I was someone who needed to know that person before I even thought about feeling something for that person. And yet here I was losing sleep over someone who I'd just caught a glimpse of. Now that I think about it, knowing someone before I fell for them never got me anywhere. Somewhere down the line. they always change their colors. I guess this way was better, don't You agree?

I took weeks before I decided that I wanted, I NEEDED to talk to You. I needed to get to know You. I couldn't let go of that feeling. Not without a fight. And so it started with a lame hello, and our conversations stretched easily through the stories of my life and Yours. I questioned Your sanity at times, and You often pushed me away and I don't know how- but You eventually let me in.

You were a lost soul, drifting in a river of Your mistakes. And I was a confused being, searching for a reason to survive, a reason to live. Through that haze of our life, we met and we told each other all the stories that were to be told. You found Your way through my confusion, and I found my reason within Your bruised soul. You made me feel loved, you made me feel like I was special. And I found myself smiling for real. We became each others' much needed crutches. I helped You stand when You were down, and You pulled me up when I couldn't carry the weight. I advised You, I lectured You, I pointed out Your mistakes. You determined Yourself, You said You'd change. And I caught myself, falling for You.

You give me a reason to smile everyday, knowing that somewhere there is someone who thinks of me and refrains from his own destruction. You make me feel like I am a part of You, that no matter what, You won't let go. You make me feel that I am complete, coz I know that somewhere there is someone, who can make sense of my confusion.

You say I should've chosen someone who could make me forget my problems. Someone sane, someone who comes from a stable background. Yes, it would have made my life easier. Yes, my problems would have subsided. But all I wanna say is that I don't need someone like that. I don't need someone who makes me FORGET. I want someone who I can TALK to about my problems. Someone who'll understand. Not just SAYING that he understands, but someone who has really been through the same things that I did. Someone who gets it for real. Someone like You.

Its been just three months to the day You and I became an US. And as short as the time has been, it has been the best. I know that what we have is complicated. I know it will get more complicated in the times that is yet to come. I know we have to fight. I know it will be really hard to win. But know this, I will fight, will all that I have. I will stand up for us. I will defend what we have. Coz I know You, and I know how much You have changed. Coz You make me proud, everyday. And that's why I love You.

With all my love,
The Girl with a Broken Smile.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

007- Maldivian Society Through My Inexperienced Eyes.

To start off this post, I would like you to keep in mind that I am not very much familiar with many many things about this society and how it works. Some of it pretty much basic, I guess. So forgive me for any error in this piece of writing.

There is so much wrong with this society and to name a few, corruption and gang violence would be at the top of the list.

For the past three days I have been going to the nearby shop to buy my usual Dutch Lady chocolate milk packet. And I was astonished to find out that the price had gone up by 1 rufiyya for each day. I hear my Mamma complain that the price of the groceries has gone up as well. And these prices hasn't gone up just by one or two rufiyyas. It has gone up about a minimum of 10-20 rufiyya in the past few months. And this is speaking of almost all the basic products that we use on a daily basis.

Recently there were strikes regarding this very problem. People came together to voice their concerns regarding the change in the dollar exchange rate and the prices of the commodities that we consume daily. These strikes were SUPPOSEDLY lead by the 'youth' of our society. What was sickeningly hilarious was that all *I* saw was parliament members and political party members losing what little shame and dignity they had left on national television. The clips of their atrocious behavior had reached the international media as well.

The whole point of these strikes were to voice the concerns related to the difficulties us, commoners faced because of these changes in prices. But I was shaken with disapproval and distaste to witness these so called leaders of our society shouting their throats sore to bring down the current president. They were way off the point and these strikes made no change in the standard of our living. Unfortunately, all it did was cause terror in the hearts of the people and made us lose a few nights good sleep that we could have had. What I don't understand is, if all they wanted was to bring down the current government, then why do it in a false pretense of the welfare of the public? Why not just sit outside the president's palace and shout your rear end off?

Night before last night, I was watching the news with my family. I heard on the news that an enormous sum of money was being set aside by the ruling party to buy parliament members of the opposition party. An estimated sum of 29 million was being set aside for this disgraceful, immoral purpose while the people of this nation struggled every single day to try and feed their families. While these people are trying desperately to make ends meet and barely getting there. Where is the humanity? Where is the public welfare that these people talked about while they filled our ears with false promises?

And these people, so many of them who changed their parties and all of what they were said to have believed, for the sole purpose of money and power, I wonder if they even had a single ounce of guilt in their hearts. These people who stood up at podiums and screamed their voices hoarse with accusations that this government was corrupted and this government was this and that, do they even have a single ounce regret while they go and join forces with this said corrupted government? Just selling their soul for money and power without a thought. I guess when you accumulate enough money and power, all your morals and shame just vanishes into thin air.

It also breaks my heart to see the youth of this society just wasting away with no sense of purpose or responsibility. A huge percent of our youth under the influence of addiction and what's left of them in the darkness of depression. And what breaks my heart even more is that these problems are just ignored and pretended to not exist while the people of this society are busy fighting over which political party should rule the country. These individuals, each with the ability to improve, to get better, to stand up, if only someone just bothered enough to give them a push, they are just tossed aside like filth. So many of the youth being abused while growing up, just ignored and unnoticed. So many of the young girls being raped and assaulted, just unseen.

Recovering drug addicts, falling off their wagons. Why? Coz when they tried to change, nobody acknowledged it. Nobody gave them a chance. Trying to find a job, a purpose in life, and constantly being dragged down by this society. So eventually they turn to drugs again. And that leading to gang violence. That leading to mistake after mistake after mistake. All because they made one mistake, they tried to change, but the judgmental hypocrites of this society just enjoyed putting them down. These teenagers, the youth, the future of this very country,  they are just falling and falling with nobody below to catch them.

Another issue that bothers me is that, in name, we are a 100% muslim country. And yet, there's nothing about this country that could prove this fact. Adultery, it's strictly prohibited in Islam. And yet, this is something that's as common as drinking water after a meal. Child abuse, domestic violence and homosexuality, ALL prohibited in Islam. And yet, here, in this country it's an everyday ordeal. Not a day goes by without hearing of someone who got raped, or a kid being abused, or a baby being thrown somewhere, or that someone assaulted someone with a sharp object. It is true that in the past few years, people have become more aware and in touch with our religion. But as some people come on to the right path and try to amend their ways, others are going overboard into the path that will lead to nothing but a house of fire on the last day.

I love my country, this is my home. And wherever I go, I am pretty sure I will carry a piece of my home with me. And eventually I WILL come back to this place in the end. But I have begun to hate what my home has become...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

006- We are 'Happy' Family?

I am one of those people who believes in family. Family comes first. Siblings come above everything else. Why? Well, I always thought no matter how screwed up a family is, eventually they stick up for each other. But lately, I've begun to doubt it.

Lately, it just seems like as we grow older, we eventually withdraw into ourselves. We get caught up in our own lives, our own problems, our own world. We forget about family, and the rare times that we do remember, we remember them with distaste. We remember them with disapproval, disappointment and hopelessness. We can't seem to find the time to help each other out. We can't seem to find the time to say hello. And rarely do we ever say that we love each other anymore.

Home was the place I thought I would always be. But lately, it feels congested. I feel suffocated. I feel like I can't breathe when I am here. I feel like I need to get away. I feel like somehow no matter how hard we try, we end up disappointing those who we care about. We have become strangers. The only thing tying us to each other is our blood.

I can't seem to find even a slight trace of the family we used to be. The laughter, the closeness and the bonding has disappeared. Things aren't the same. Our situation has changed. Our characters has changed. We ourselves have changed beyond recognition.

We're standing together, but we stand all alone.

Monday, May 16, 2011

005-Second Chances.

We, humans, we make mistakes. Its in our NATURE to screw up. And sometimes we make the same mistake repeatedly for a long time, coz maybe somehow it's easier than correcting it. And that's completely fine. Coz the good thing about mistakes is that WHEN you realize your mistake, you can try and make it right. The important thing is to find the determination TO make it right.

But that's kinda hard to do with every single person breathing down your neck 24/7. Scrutinizing your every move waiting, WISHING you would screw up again. It will be impossible for someone to correct their mistakes if everybody else just expects him to make it worse.


The kind of society we live in is one of those societies that are judgmental and hypocritical. The minute someone makes a mistake, they take the pleasure in it and label them. Depressed. Alcoholic. Drug addict. Thief. Psycho. Whore. Etc etc. And they find every opportunity to bring them down. They take pleasure in watching them go down.

Like for someone who is a recovering drug addict, it will be like finding water in a desert if they wanted to find a job. People look down upon them, like they are filth. But truth is, something made them the way they are. They weren't just born as drug addicts and alcoholics. And when they have finally realized their mistakes and wants to make it right, these judgmental hypocrites bring them back to the brink of falling down again.

So you gave someone a chance, and they made a mistake. So what? We ARE humans. Not gods. Right? Give them a second chance. Support them in making themselves better. Encourage them to push themselves. And when they start giving up, push them harder to be better. And when you see even an ounce of change in them, ACKNOWLEDGE it. Change doesn't have to be huge. It can be just as little as a grain of sand on the beach. It might be little compared to the whole wide beach, but it DOES make a difference.

The other day I was talking to Batman and I told him something that really means something. I told him that it takes one brick at a time to build a wall. That the wall wouldn't just come into being on its own. And that you still have to pick up that first brick and start building it. :)

I believe in second chances. I believe that people change. I believe that those people need someone to push them on to the right path. I believe that eventually they emerge stronger and wiser for the mistakes that they've made!

I believe in second chances, do you?

004-Eternal Haze

The memories of his yesterday,
Marred in his mind, his heart and soul.
Couldn't bring himself to kneel and pray,
And as he tries to stand, apart he falls.

The mirror in which we saw our dreams,
Its broken and scattered beneath our feet.
All we can hear, are the echos of screams,
Of our yesterday- it knocks on our door and greets.

Twisted we are, forsaken and lost,
Trying to find our way in this endless maze.
Fighting our demons, our haunting ghosts,
Finally we meet, in this eternal haze.

003- Brutally Honest!

Today seems like one of those days that you really REALLY don't want to get up from your bed. Its kinda rainy outside, but as of now the rain has stopped. Its nice and cold and you just want to get lost between your sheets and never be found! Am I right?

So anyway, there's this guy I know, lets just call him Batman. So Batman is the kinda guy who is SO honest that it hurts sometimes. -.- If you were to date him, he's the kinda guy who tells you the TRUTH when you ask him if the other girl is prettier than you. :P Sometimes, you might just want to shake him tell him, 'Dude just LIE to me once in a while!' >.>

Don't get me wrong, I do not excuse lies in a relationship./ Lies like cheating are inexcusable. But there are some lies, you might call it little white lies that are IMPORTANT for any relationship. You might even call it HEALTHY, I mean, not always are you going to find everything that you dreamed in the person you ARE in love with. Love is just nonsensical that way. :P

You might find short, straight haired thin girls to be your type and BAM! You fall in love with a long curly haired, plump girl! O_O

Anyway, my point is, if you tell that person that you're type is so and so, she WILL feel insecure eventually right? She knows he loves him, but if he doesn't chose his words right, the girl is bound to get pissed off! BIG TIME! :P

So go ahead tell your girlfriends, they are THE most beautiful girl in the WORLD! Tell her she's PERFECT to you no matter how screwed up she is! Tell her the girls in your past were NOTHING compared to her!  I know, I know, she's not perfect! She gets on your nerves sometimes. She screws up badly sometimes. But if you love her and if you want to be with her for the rest of your life, make her HAPPY! ALWAYS keep her happy and in return she'll make you the happiest guy ALIVE! :)

Have a great day everyone! :D

Saturday, May 14, 2011

002-Tainted. [05.05.11]

This is one of my poems that I wrote a couple of days ago. Enjoy! :) [Forgive me, if  it sounds emo! :P]


Everything I touch,
It gets tainted beneath my hand.
Things burn and fall,
All around me wherever I stand.
As I lose it all,
My shadow is my only friend.
Alone in my misery,
On no one I could depend.
Trying hard to be perfect,
But my broken soul I couldn't mend.
Each step that I take towards You,
Brings us closer to our end.
As we drift apart in my tainted river,
All my love to You I send.

001-The SECOND First.

A day ago I made a blog. I did all the template designing  and posted the first post, named '001-The First' on it and also posted the link to my Facebook. And I got all excited about it and all, but the stupid blog DISAPPEARED from my dashboard when I logged on the next day! >.>

So here goes my SECOND first post..

I am a girl from a little country called Maldives. My age, to be exact is 17 years, 8 months and 19 days. I am currently working as an Assistant to a Special Educator. I help conduct early intervention programmes for Autistic kids.Basically, that means I teach children with special needs, and enjoy it immensely too! :)

As for my personality, I am a quite complicated person to understand. :P I don't make sense MOST of the time. And can't really put my feelings into words exactly the same way that I actually WANT to. Its very likely that you may not understand what I am talking about when I am talking about it, nevertheless, no harm in trying eh? ;)

Among my interests other than teaching kids, are writing poetry and occasionally, writing short stories. I also enjoy music and sketching, painting etc etc. So probably this blog is going to be consisting of the aforementioned stuff. :)

Hope that whoever reads this blog will find it interesting and entertaining. Feel free to write any comments on what I write. :)

P.s. Try very very hard to understand what I am going on about, yeah? :P