080- Believe

The following poem is dedicated to all the students at the Autism Center that I work with..

You, who know not of deceit,
You, who won't accept defeat.
You, who takes pain by the front seat,
Oh you, who oozes bravery with every heartbeat.

You, who has so less yet so much,
You, who knows no evil or any such.
You, who takes it all inside,
Oh you, who still can give a smile.

You, who should know this story,
You, who's worthy of this glory.
You, who showed me courage and endurance,
Oh you, who taught me adjust and acceptance.

You, who I didn't know existed,
You, who showed the cowardice I reflected.
You, who should know I gave up once,
Oh you, who should know I had blessings in tonnes.

You, who have so much less than me,
You, who endure so much pain to feel.
You, who showed me reason to live,
You should know, you make me believe...

078- Respect and Accept.

I've written this piece of poetry from what I imagine to be an autistic point of view. Although I am sure there's so much more to what one would feel and for that I'll always show compassion to each and every one. I do not believe that Autism is a disease or an illness. Its simply is a disorder. DIS ORDER, As in a different order than how our brains are wired. Although this does not mean that it makes their intellect less or damaged. It simply means its different whilst harboring all the potential as you or me has for excellence. :)

So always remember different, NOT less.

And so hear goes into advocating respect and acceptance for Autism.

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What good is order when order makes no sense?
It matters when disorder makes you tense,
I admit around me is this tall fence,
But I promise I am without false pretense.

At times I cannot say those words,
I can’t understand those huge billboards,
A man naked above huge roads,
Thoughts inside of me grows tenfold.

Mostly its people I can’t understand,
Expressions havocking as a marching band,
Things spinning that pulls me out of my stand,
I wish you’d be my guiding hand.

I find I can’t express what I feel,
And no, I do not wish to heal,
It is what truly makes me real,
Although in my eyes, the world is surreal.

At times, a hug seems too much,
As though I am on fire or something as such,
As though I suffocate with just one touch,
At the core of my heart it does truly clutch.

I am different that too I’ve always known,
And my feelings could never be truly shown,
And with every second my love has grown,
And it’s not my wish to forever be alone.

I wish you’d show me some respect,
I wish you’d understand what I expect,
It not much to tell me that you accept,
Differences aside, show how to adapt.

Treat me as though I am one of you,
Treat me as though I have feelings too,
Heal me when I feel like forever blue,
Save me each time, forever be true.                            

076- Magic

[Photography by moi. ^^ ]

Demons engulf my hearts' depth,
Nightmares cover every inch of my sleep.
Haunting are the secrets that I have kept,
And alone I feel I am losing myself.

Cynical I am for that's how I've been,
Pessimist I was and somehow still am.
Situations and disasters I should've never seen,
You're the only soul to put me out of shame.

With you the demons stop existing,
As though the nightmares I never saw.
The secrets are in hands of protecting,
Every cell of my body would never let go.

For what good is logic,
That got me nowhere.
Worthwhile is this MAGIC,
We've spread everywhere.

073- An Endless High.

Frustrations disappear with a heavy sigh,

Anger vanishes inside this bliss.

Tensions replaced by an endless high,
 

All I want is just one more kiss.

069- For the First Time Ever.

[Picture borrowed from sandboxgeneral.com ]

Music seems sweeter, inside this fortress,
The stars shine brighter, through these windows.
The warmth seems much comforting,
And for the first time ever, I am following this dream.

The leaves fall around me, captured through a camera,
The light grazing the silence, filled by only sighs.
Figures drawn on a canvas, by an artist indeed,
For the first time ever, I am flying free.

The smile keeps etching, much deeper this time,
The heart keeps filling, with much too much.
It grows much heavier, with all the dreams,
And for the fist time ever, I could see me well.

The time grows shorter, with every passing second,
Even if I left, I am bound to come back here.
As I walk outside, with a wave goodbye,
For the first time ever, I am finally real.

29122011 1330

068- Forever shall we Be?

Heart beats together,
entwined through a love.
A love stronger than ever,
we're flying high above.
Breaths come out heavier,
synchronized through a hope.
Alas, has come my saviour,
to make me strong- to cope.
Away you were whenever,
My smile I missed the most.
No matter we are wherever,
With you I'll smile through the worst.
The parts I've seen never,
presents itself to me.
Could the moment go on forever,
forever shall we be?

067- Perfume

A drop of heaven, upon her palm,
Another black raven, roams her calm.

A whiff of memories, inside her soul,
A million times colder, became this cold.

Walk through a lane, left so far behind,
Aching for more, she loses her mind.

Film strips running, behind closed eyes,
She smiles a while, as inside it dies.

[Picture borrowed from graphicsfairy.blogspot.com ]

A sniff of nostalgia, runs through the skin,
Eyes so silently starting to brim.

Clutching those knees, wouldn't let go,
Is this is all that's left to live for?

Bathing her body in that heavenly scent,
Silent tremors within, it sent.

A moment it stays, its goes with a whim,
At least for a moment, she's got herself in him.

065- Your Someone Else.

Thought we said Forever,
Thought it would always be me,
Thought we'd stick til the end.

Thought life would be one,
Thought we'd walk  together,
Thought I'd have you as my comfort.

Promises should still be alive,
Distances should have ceased,
Memories should be my reality.

And here I stand today,
I am looking and you now,
Greeting Your Someone Else..

061- An Attempt at Writing a Dhivehi Poem.

  Iraadhaiga nuvaa, 

            kithamme kamakah ma edhuneemey
  Ufaa nei maguga hingamun eyru, 

            ufaathah ves ma hoadheemey
  Fennane kamugaa e dhuvas, 

            hithu alhaigen ma hureemey
  Umeedhu fundu vedhiyumun miyadhu, 

            mayoosve mitha eba hureemey

  Buni haa kameh kohdhee, 

            buni komme gothakah ma ulhuneemey
  Vaan neygunu loabi eyru, 

            kithamme varakahves ma veemey
  Loabin naseyhaidhee,

            firumamun ma aadheys kureemey
  Badhaleh feneythoa ethakeh dhuvas, 

            boa haasvefaa ma hureemey

  Dheloa feni loabi vee iru, 

            ethah umeedheh kurevunee ey
  Nudhaan azum kendi namaves, 

            ethah faharakume dhevunee ey
  Dhaan negi komme fiyavalhakun, 

            hithuga veyneh ufedhunee ey
  Dheveyne mageh nethi ethaa, 

            ethah dhuvahaku hurevunee ey
-F

060- Solitude

When the only sound you clearly hear,
Are waves caressing the sandy shore,
When you hold on to your deepest fears,
As you breathe the wind into your core.
When your mind refuses to ever be clear,
And you smile pretending you never hurt before,
When you suppress those endless angry tears,
And you let the cold numb your every pore.
When you smile back at a boy, looking so dear,
And you know your heart wont race anymore,
When you talk through those ceaseless fears,
And you know those stars wont shine like they did before.

059- Clocks

A tick of a clock is all I know,
A tick of a clock and nothing more.
Time pass me by, I am sitting here,
Wanting to fly, engulfed in fear.
You got me worried, you got me scared,
Don't you do all that I wouldn't have dared.
Aint no way to leave, honey my dear,
Gotta stay til it all becomes crystal clear.
Aint no way to say this hurried goodbye,
Gotta stay strong without a single cry.
This world may never know who we are,
Gotta stay strong till we can go away, so far.
Hurting every second, apart we may be,
The clock will stop, and a new world we shall see.
Until that time you stay where you are,
And honey I promise I'll stay where I am.

052- When things get bottled up,,

"Look me in the eye, and tell me I was wrong!" 230811
-F

Haunting Ghosts. 270711
-F

'My world was on fire, no one could save me but You.' -Wicked Game by Chris Isaac. 250711
-F

*When things get bottled up, its spills on to these few pages...

049- The story goes...

And the story goes in such a way,
A way that would break a broken soul.
A girl was scarred by blood of her own,
and sworn she has to forever be silent.
She walked through the doors gracefully,
A pasted smile and a practiced laugh.
She had a cloak over her life,
A cloak that was meant to hide her pain.
A well thought out masquerade,
while she revels in her misery.
A prince walks into her crumbled life.
Puts the pieces together again.
Colours her life with hope and dreams,
Of things that shattered her very core.
A life she had before he came,
A life that was thoroughly broken.
He wears his mask well in place,
charms her into an endless haze.
Whoever would have predicted,
the charming prince was indeed a demon in disguise?

029- End?

So is this it for us? Is this the end?
Now how can my heart ever mend?
So is this it, is this goodbye?
Now how can I dry the tears in my eyes?

What happened to all your promises?
What do I do, when its you my heart misses?
What happened to all the love that you had?
What do I do, when there's nothing left to be said?

Don't you miss me now, is that why you're gone?
How can you feel alright, when you've left me all alone?
Don't you miss those times, is that why you left?
Was it not enough, was my love somehow less?

027- Learning to Survive.

 

I long to see Your light filled eyes,
But all I see is this empty room.
I want to hear Your soothing voice,
But all I see is a phone that never rings.
I want to feel Your face close to mine,
But all I see is these thousand miles.
I want to hold Your hand in mine,
But when I reach out, its just empty space.
I want You to notice that I find this hard,
I want You realize I could give up now.
I am losing my hope with every passing second,
I want You to know I could give up now.
Would You hate me if I walk away,
Would You hate me if I say goodbye.
Coz darling, this distance is killing me,
I am starting lose the patience I had.
I've started to question your love for me,
Coz darling, You're never around.
I spend all day by the phone,
All I wanted was just one call.
I spend every second by the door,
All I wanted was to see You walk through.
Its all gone now, my dreams, my wishes,
I've learnt to survive alone in my mind.
I've learnt to live every passing day,
Without a call, without you here...

020- Pause.

I don't want to take another step,
But I don't want to go back either.
I don't want to move forward,
And yet I can't go back anymore.
I wanna lose myself in this moment,
A moment where its all in place.
I'll lose myself if I move forward,
I am sure I'll lose you, if I step back.
The house of cards that I keep building,
Over and over again.
It comes crashing down around me,
The echoes leaving me shaken.
Listen to my heart beat, darling,
Its singing my heart's melody.
The words are pouring through me,
If you listen you'll get the story.
Its telling you the things I want,
It says, 'Just stop here and now.
Lets freeze this moment of clarity,
Let it be, darling, just don't force.
Just halt this day of no confusion,
Listen, darling, lets just pause.'

017- Don't give up on me.

Even when the times are rough,
Even when it seems too much,
Even when the hope is lost,
Just don't give up.

Even when it seems impossible,
Even when everyone leaves,
Even when everything's gone,
Just don't give up.

Even when I am the only one,
Even when you've lost it all,
Even when you want run,
Just hold on. Don't let me go. Just fight. Just don't give up.

014- Search For You...

I woke up with thoughts of you,
that's still fresh in my mind.
I reached out and searched for you,
but your face I couldn't find.

I woke up with a dream of you,
that's still playing behind my eyes.
Only you and you alone,
I had broken all the worldly ties.

I woke up with a hope for you,
And in my heart a faith so blind.
I reached out and searched for you,
But your face I couldn't find...

004-Eternal Haze

The memories of his yesterday,
Marred in his mind, his heart and soul.
Couldn't bring himself to kneel and pray,

And as he tries to stand, apart he falls.

The mirror in which we saw our dreams,
Its broken and scattered beneath our feet.
All we can hear, are the echos of screams,

Of our yesterday- it knocks on our door and greets.

Twisted we are, forsaken and lost,
Trying to find our way in this endless maze.
Fighting our demons, our haunting ghosts,
Finally we meet, in this eternal haze.