080- Believe

The following poem is dedicated to all the students at the Autism Center that I work with..

You, who know not of deceit,
You, who won't accept defeat.
You, who takes pain by the front seat,
Oh you, who oozes bravery with every heartbeat.

You, who has so less yet so much,
You, who knows no evil or any such.
You, who takes it all inside,
Oh you, who still can give a smile.

You, who should know this story,
You, who's worthy of this glory.
You, who showed me courage and endurance,
Oh you, who taught me adjust and acceptance.

You, who I didn't know existed,
You, who showed the cowardice I reflected.
You, who should know I gave up once,
Oh you, who should know I had blessings in tonnes.

You, who have so much less than me,
You, who endure so much pain to feel.
You, who showed me reason to live,
You should know, you make me believe...

063- Faith Bulb.

A friend said to me today that Faith is not some kinda Eternal Flame. And that instead its a f**ked up light bulb that flickers. That LIFE is what makes our Faith flicker.

I was very curious about religion even as a child. And there were some very awkward moments when I questioned my sisters why hidhuism couldnt be it. [Thanks to being brought up in a home with 24/7 Hindhi soap series on the TV. =P] Anyway, as I grew older I knew what was right not just because my parents told me so, but because I researched and read things and decided on my own what I would choose to believe.

I believe myself to have a good morale, a conscience that's still alive. I think I've always had Faith. I think I've always believed. But as my friend said, the Faith bulb flickers. And so did mine. At several points of my life. And it saddens me that tonight seems to be one of those points in my life.

I have a tendency of making mistakes and then REPEATING them on top of it. I honestly don't know why I do it. And according to what *I* believe, a man is suppose to control his actions. And the fact that my own behaviour goes against my beliefs completely pisses me off at times. Moments like these is when the Faith bulb threatens to blow off. Moments like these is when I catch myself to be without reason and hopeless..

[ Picture borrowed from beyondthecanvas.blogspot.com ]

Faith is what keeps me from harming my own self. Image and mentality both. Faith is what protects me from a cruel world. Faith is what gives me hope just enough to exclude being disappointed. Faith is what teaches me boundaries. And Faith is what holds me together.

I guess I knew what would put me out of my misery even as I was writing this.. Its that I gotta get that bulb back on. Coz even when every single person leaves my side, Faith is what will keep me together.. isn't it?