030- The things I couldn't say.

Its been almost three years since we met. A lot has happened between us in these three years. We've had our ups and we've had our downs. The downs might have been a lot more than the ups we had. We had our fights and we had our laughs. There were times I was so mad at you that seeing you was just way too much to handle. I wanted to scream, I wanted to physically hurt you at times. And yet even today, you're still someone that I care about.

I still remember the good times we had. The times you made me laugh and the times you made me smile. The time we stood watching the rain in a stinky old garage. The time you came to see me at midnight on my birthday, so that you'd be the first one to wish me. And remember that time, I chased after you with my heeled shoe? hehehe. I also remember the times you teased me, and yet I knew you wouldn't change a thing about me.

I wanna be clear that these things I remember, I don't remember them because I am still in love with you. I do love you, I always will in my own way. But I am not in love with you now. The point is we had our fair share of good times. And you WERE there for me when it really counts. You helped me stand when I had no way of getting up. And I will always be grateful for that.

I know you're going through a lot now. I know its really hard, but you will never admit that to anyone. You've always been that way. I know you're too proud to ask for help. And maybe you don't want me to be there for you. And being there for you will create so many problems for me, and I still don't care. I feel like I should somehow be there, even if you don't want me to. I want you to know you're not alone. I want you to know its okay for you to need someone. Its okay to ask for help. And I am here. I always will be. As a friend, as someone who cares about you.

Just let me help, please let me be there. Coz the thought of losing you, even if you were never really in my life for real, it scares me. It scares more than you can ever imagine...